JOE: So I saw this thing online where a taxidermist will make your dead pets into throw pillows.
MIKE: Oh, cool! You mean like you can have your tabby turned into one of those bearskin rugs? With the head all snarling?
JOE: Oh, that'd be too small to lie on. But maybe you could put it outside your front door, you know, as a welcome mat? Anyway, this place just turns your pets into throw pillows.
MIKE: Wow, that really opens up some decorating opportunities!
JOE:I know! It says they do cats, dogs and horses. Although, I really can't see using a horse pillow. Not in Manhattan.
MIKE: Ew, no. Not unless you were doing some sort of Western motif, you know, with wagon wheels and cow skulls.
JOE: And even then you'd need a Palomino to really make it work.
MIKE: True. Personally, I'd probably go for something subdued, that would go with my new Mitchell Gold chaise lounge. Maybe something from the Setter palette.
JOE: You think? I'd probably go with something brighter, maybe a Golden Retriever.
MIKE: Ooh, how about a Standard Poodle? They could dye it to match!
JOE: Too gay. How about Doberman or Mastiff? That seems solidly masculine.
MIKE: Oh, honey. Queens would think I'm trying to prove something.
JOE: What about for my place? Everything's all solids, I'd want something bright, with patterns, you know...like maybe a Calico or a Maine Coon?
MIKE: No, those things would always be shedding or pilling. You definitely want something short hair and stain resistant, like Siamese or Burmese.
JOE:(musing): You know.. I've seen some Beagle shades that might work.
MIKE: We should tell Randall about this. That tacky place of his could use some work. All that tired 80's glass and chrome, all that cliche' black and white. Although, with his taste, you KNOW what he'd pick!
(TOGETHER): Dalmatian!