TV Talk With Mike And Joe

MIKE: So what kind of shows do you think this new gay channel is going to have?

JOE: What, you mean LOGO? I think I read about something with Cher. Don't know about the rest.

MIKE: Cher? That figures. Maybe they can show one of her 300,000 farewell performances. How many times can you say goodbye to someone before they finally fucking leave already?

JOE: No shit! Actually, I was thinking maybe they should do a gay version of the $10,000 Pyramid. They could call it The Fabulous Pink Triangle!

MIKE: Oh, I can already see it. You're in the winner's circle and you're on the last clue..."um...a beach chair...a bikini...a bitchy attitude..."

JOE: THINGS YOU TAKE TO FIRE ISLAND!!!

MIKE: Ding ding ding!!!

JOE: OK, you have 30 seconds to describe seven things you might find in a Chelsea gym locker.

MIKE: Ok, it's round and it goes around...

JOE: A cockring!

MIKE: Ok, it's in a bottle and you take off the top and...

JOE: Poppers!

MIKE: This is too easy.

JOE: OK, how about a gay version of Family Feud?

MIKE (laughs): Right! We could have a team of drag queens against leather men!

JOE: "We polled 100 people and asked them 'What is an item would you bring to a party?'"

MIKE (makes buzzing noise): Lube!!

JOE: I assume that was the leather men answering?

MIKE (makes buzzing noise): Wigs! That was the drag queens.

JOE: I'd have said 'silicone'.

MIKE: This is still too easy.

(Both laugh)

JOE: What show would YOU want to see?

MIKE: Well, how about Movies For Guys Who Like Guys Who Like Movies? A take-off on what they do on TBS?

JOE: What, you mean like some tough guys movie, but with big homoerotic undertones?

MIKE: Right, like "Brian's Song". On the surface, it's this rowdy football movie with hot guys but then James Cann gets terminal cancer or something and Billy Dee Williams has to look after him and it gets all weepy and they say that they love each other.

JOE: And THAT'S when you make your move on the straight guy watching the movie with you? While he's all tore up and crying over James Caan?

MIKE: Well, yeah! First you push the Kleenex box over to him. Then you reach for one yourself and move closer. Next thing, you're kissing the tears off his face.

JOE: And licking your cum off it too?

MIKE: I'm just saying.

JOE: I guess that would work with Butch Cassidy And The Sundance Kid.

MIKE: And Highlander too! Remember that scene in the parking garage where the hot Scotsman was giving that guy head?

JOE: Sweetie, he was TAKING his head. Bit of a difference. That's not very sexy. I don't think that movie would work.

MIKE (miffed): Well, he WAS an antiques dealer. And the soundtrack was ALL Queen!

JOE: How about an all gay reality show set in a bathhouse? That could be hilarious!

MIKE: Can you imagine the fighting to win immunity?

JOE: OK, that wasn't funny.