David Beckham...disc jockeys in awe of crotch in underwear ads!

I felt like I was in some backwater town when I was cruising along Paradise Road and by chance flipped on a local radio station.

A couple of talkative disc jockeys were chatting each other up over David Beckham's scintillating billboard ads sprouting up around the Nation.

I posted an item on that months ago. Old news, isn't it? Gee, news travels at a snail's pace in Sin City, I guess.

One disc spinner noted that the risque blurbs of Becks in tight undies caused quite a commotion in San Francisco. And - I got the distinct impression that he was afraid that the mere mention of the gay mecca by the bay - might turn his sexual persuasion the other way. Or, at least make his own preference suspect.

"That underwear thing is - uh - big up there," he noted with a suspiciously fake masculine tone to his voice.

"Is it a Calvin Klein ad," the other host queried.

Duh!

Well, it was pretty obvious the other guy was hetero, all the way.

Any self-respecting gay man would know that the splashy sexy ads are for Menswear Designer, Emporio Armani.

"The thing about this underwear - um - is that it makes your business look big."

Ah, this is the one occasion I regretted there was no visual image to match up with the dialogue. Did he actually utter that comment with a - er - straight face?

Business? Are they in the dark ages in Vegas?

Heh dudes, it's okay to say package, Johnson, crotch - whatever.

In fact, no one in the range of your air waves is going to cringe, I expect. After all, this is the land of the scantily-clad bodacious babe and "thunder" from down under!

Well, maybe a bit of locker-room chat will give a handful of horny listeners a swelled - um - head. Don't know about you dudes, but suggestive words can be a naughty thrill to some if they're emoted just right.

"And, he looks humongous," the jock continued.

Ah, the dude has obviously been taking a serious gander at those shots, eh?

I am surprised they didn't wonder aloud if Becks was uncircumcised - the soccer stud being a Brit - and all.

Maybe, the Armani folks will bring out the uncut version at a later date, do 'ya think?

"Well, he's no Mario Lopez for sure," the observant (!) dude chuckled before moving on to the next tidbit of gossip.

Mario who?

The long and short of it? Obviously, Becks gets a kick out of the titillation and thrills.

Check out the impromptu snap below taken recently on a downtown Hotel balcony.

Wonder who's on the end of his scope?

I'm betting it's not Posh, that's for sure!

David Beckham...uneasy lies the head that wears the crown!

Becks, poetry in motion...

In the cold light of day, soccer great David Beckham has firmed up the notion (in these quarters anyway) that he has a realistic grip on the old astro turf!

For starters, Beckham's bold-faced confession that the Galaxy soccer studs are - "young and learning to play together" - reflects a make-no-bones-about-it attitude which is refreshing.

When asked about the probability of a winning season ahead, he responded with his pro feet firmly on the terra firma,

"At the end of the day, people expect us to win every game. That's not going to happen." Without any introspection, he concluded, "There's going to be great games and bad games. It's going to be one of those seasons."

Well, that scenario makes for an exciting guessing-game ahead for the fans!

Curiously, Staffordshire University has scheduled a course to focus on the strategy and style of the Beckham enigma. Will there be free tickets to home games to facilitate an up-close - and personal look-see - as part of the curriculum?

Students, don't expect too many theatrics on the sidelines at the games.

"I've always been a player that doesn't shout or scream," Becks proudly chirps.

No more head butting or fiery exchanges with the macho competition on the field?

Now that was worth the price of admission, Becks!

There appears to be a more mature man emerging beyond the fluffy ads he's prone to indulge in elsewhere in the intriguing corners of his high-profile career. Distractions, designed to just blow off steam?

For a handful of team members, he's a quick study-in-the-round.

Some whine that there is an "a sense of urgency" when they're up to play. Others snipe that they feel "under pressure". To win?

Ah, the voices of inexperience talkin'.

Keep your eye on the ball - and Becks - and maybe you'll learn somethin', kids!



Becks, the poser...

David Beckham...sexy underwear ad, what does it mean? Emporio Armani!

When he appeared on Jay Leno's show, David Beckham chuckled that after his new underwear ad appeared full throttle in the media, his Mother knocked him up (English term for calling someone on the telephone, dudes!) and exclaimed somewhat incredulously,

"Whatever were you thinking?"

I'd like to know, too. The ad is a curiosity, to say the least.

I mean, why the heck is he in a prone position in bed with his pants pulled down, with sheets turned wide aside, staring at the crotch of his skivvies?

Did he pass out the night before, drunk as a skunk? Now, come dawn, is he slippin' them off to relax in his comfy bed?

But, that scenario doesn't make sense. After all, he's staring at his crotch, isn't he?

Well, maybe he's into himself, a tad. Perchance, the sight of the bulge in his undies will get the lad aroused, so he can facilitate the nasty deed? You know, whack it a little, 'til Posh breezes in from a shopping spree?

In another still from the series, Becks is turned to camera.

Ah now, the package looks more inviting - chock full - if you know what I mean.

I wonder if he had a fluffer on the photo shoot.

Curiously, in a World Entertainment news article recently, film producer Judd Apatow made a startling revelation about male genitalia,

"America fears the penis, and that's something I'm going to help them get over."

Apatow wants to feature more male frontal nudity in movies, for instance, to overcome the stigma.

Maybe, David Beckham will rise to the occasion, too.

I mean, how long are you gonna tease us with come hither looks, Becks, before 'ya whip it out?

Do tell!

Chelsea Lately...mean girl tart. Off-the-wall E Entertainment comedian...

The moon must have been - trine, or retrograde, or something - what with all the weird vibrations and screw-ball antics going on all 'round me.

As I channel-surfed at a fellow dude's digs around grub hour, I stumbled across a curious E Entertainment re-run - come lately or Chase somethin' - or other.

The show titillated me, somewhat!

My best bud noted that "Chelsea" (the hostess with the moistest) was one of those slutty Lindsay Lohan "mean girls".

Ah, it dawned on me now, why she was being so nasty to the guests!

Notwithstanding, on occasion - the dizzy, sexy, bimbo blonde babe - was prone to ask some pretty insightful hard-hitting questions as they squirmed in their comfy seats.

For starters, when VJ Logan - Smartest Model in America - sprawled down on the couch next to the show's host - Ben Stein - she poignantly asked,

"Do you have a lot of gay guys comin' on to ya?"

The handsome stud laughingly noted that having a brown belt was a prerequisite for a male model - not to hold up his tight, packed, faded jeans - but to deftly fight the limp-wristed dudes off.

I expect his initials - VJ - stand for "very jock".

One of his eyebrows was wandering off a little too much for my liking, though.

Yes, VJ was a bit too preened, for my tastes.

I guess he's what ya'd call a "metro sexual".

A friend of Ryan Seacrest, no doubt.

Ben Stein, silent 'til now, was probed further.

"So, tell me, how long have you and VJ (stands for very jock?) been married?"

On the heels of this dumb probe which elicited a pregnant pause, she continued.

"Seriously, folks, what is the point of determining if models are intelligent?"

Stein responded, rightly so.

"Well, you know, people want to know if good-looking people are smart."

Yeah?

Not me, I just lay 'em down and go at it, if you know what I mean!

Darn!

When VJ asked Chase - uh - Chelsea - if she'd like to see his chiseled abs, the perky hostess jumped at the chance to peek at his succulent tender flesh.

But, the show obviously was hindered by a stifling low-budget.

After all, when VJ thrust up his sweater, the camera failed to pan in.

In fact - when Chelsea stroked the gorgeous model's smoothe hard body - only she and VJ were privy to the sensual moment.

Can't afford a zoom lens, E?

Or, maybe VJ wanted a bump (more cash) to flash the bod naked on the idiot box?

In one odd-ball moment - well, she's inclined to slip into a few - Ms. Lately assured the audience she'd give Tom Cruise material a wide berth

"Cause he's probably got lawyers hangin' around inside the woodwork."

What a scandal.

When one guest made an off-the-wall remark about Marie Osmond, the mean girl softened a bit.

"Gee, if I made a negative comment about Donnie's sister, I'd feel like I attacked the American flag, or something."

Her gaggle of back-up side-kicks - a smidgen of comics - amounted to a handful of squirming worms.

No, they weren't clever or witty, not a bit funny ha-ha.

Well, one joke about a Mormon's six wives all having a headache one night, wasn't so bad.

But, when I realized the show was taped during the writer's strike, it was obvious the picket lines had taken their toll on the quality of the show.

In another "bit" - I guess it's what they used to refer to in TV's heyday as a comedy "sketch" - Lately asked an attorney how to defend herself in the event actor Scott Baio's penis ever slapped her in the face.

I swear, I'm not makin' this s**t up!

At this juncture, I flipped the dial!

Over at "Soup" (Greg Kinnear's previous gig) the camera was focused on a close-up shot of David Beckham on a couch in tight white undies - with shirt in a fly-away position - revealing fabulous rippled abs.

Suddenly, the soccer stud's crotch started to pulsate wildly!

Then, a frothy explosion of somethin' or other, ejaculated all over the place!

Becks - you do inspire fantasies - even among male hosts who doth protest too much!

I couldn't help but wonder at this point, what does "E" stand for?

"Erudite" Entertainment?