Roses Are Red, Cheaters Redder

While I get ready for work in the morning, I usually listen to one of the disco oldies stations. One of them has a somewhat humorous running gag in which a listener, suspicious that their spouse may be cheating, has the radio station call their spouse at work, and tell them that they've won a dozen roses (from an actual website called RedRoses.com, the commercial tie in).

With the audience listening, the DJs listening, and the spouse listening on the other line, the suspected cheater is asked who he'd like his free roses to go to, and what the message on the card should read. As you'd might guess, once the cheated-upon spouse hears the name and message, all hell breaks loose. The DJs just sit back and let the mud and the blood fly, albeit with a LOT of bleeping out of curse words.

Well, today the suspicious spouse was a gay guy.

(Dialogue approximated)

Caller: Hi, my name is Dan and my partner's name is Brett. He's always been very flirty with other guys and he says a little flirting keeps a relationship strong and that I'm always paranoid, but lately I've been real suspicious of where he is all the time. I really think he's seeing someone else.

DJ: OK, well let's call Brett and we'll see if your suspicions are correct.

(phone ringing)

Brett: Hello?

DJ: Hi Brett! This is Sammy from RedRoses.com and you've just won a dozen roses....(blah blah blah)

Brett: OK, great! The roses should go to Rodrigo (last name bleeped).

(Dan is silent on the other line.)

Brett: And the message is (I turn off the shower here).....the message is "I wish I knew how to quit you".

(I collapse into helpless giggling.)

Dan: Why you (bleeping) Brokeback bitch! You bitch! You Brokeback bitch!

Brett: Dan? Danny? Is that you? What the (bleep) is going on?

(The DJs and the greater NYC metropolitan area collapse into helpless giggling.)

Brett launched into some clumsy denials, but I had to turn it off. WKTU-FM podcasts their War Of The Roses schtick, here. If they ever post today's Brokeback Bitch, I'll let you know, it's a classic.

Brokeback Mountain is proving to be a cultural reference point with some serious legs, isn't it?

Make it STOP. Please.