Around TIN PAN ALLEY in New York City, ubiquitous autograph hounds scrounge around the streets, on the look-out for celebrities.
Fans with eagle eyes are either seeking an elusive autograph for their own collection, plan to trade the scribbles in their hot little hands for more prized ones - or just maybe - are in the signature biz seeking to make a fast buck here and there.
Frank Langella noted on a talk show once that when he was on the boards in the hit Broadway Show "Dracula", he was scouted down ad nauseam for his John Henry.
After all, with the glare of the spotlight on his career, a little flourish of the pen was bound to rustle up high sticker prices.
He jokingly noted that after the successful run of Dracula, he was in a phone booth one day chatting up a friend, when one of the regulars in the theatre district dashed up and banged on the door demanding his signature.
"Just a second," the charismatic Langella whispered politely through a crack in the sliding door, "I'll be off the phone in a second."
The guy retorted,
"Frank, I can't wait that long. Your autograph is only worth five bucks these days."
Ah, the fickle finger of fame!
When I first moved to the Big Apple, I used to get all giddied up, and catch a Broadway show or Concert on a Friday or Saturday night.
One night - as I stepped out of a taxicab dressed to-the-nines - a scruffy little man dashed up and asked me for my autograph.
I felt awkward because I didn't have any acting credits to speak of, then.
Obviously, because of the way I was elegantly attired, he assumed I was "somebody".
Yeah, I just exude star quality, don't I?
Although I was relatively well-known in Canada, it was doubtful he'd be familiar with my name and reputation in New York City. Most assuredly, my autograph would be of little value to him at that stage of my career.
But, when I tried to elude his advances by emphatically noting that he "wouldn't know me", he persisted.
"You'd be surprised," he cackled,
"I know a lot of the actors and the shows in town. I follow 'em."
"You wouldn't be familiar with me," I insisted, somewhat embarrassed.
But, he remained anchored by my side.
"Tell me your name," he pestered, "Who are you, come on!"
Finally, to get rid of him, I blurted out my name.
"Ah, never heard of you," he retorted, as he turned on his heel and scurried off to find the next victim.
The nerve!
Paul Newman told a hilarious story once that really takes the cake, though.
When a talk-show host asked that he share his strangest experience as a famous actor, he chuckled.
Apparently, Paul was taking a whiz at a urinal one day in a public "John" when a man sidled up at the next stall. Without batting an eye, he excitedly turned to the celebrated actor, and quizzed, "Are you Paul Newman?"
When Mr. Newman acknowledged he was, the fan asked for his autograph.
For obvious reasons, the Oscar-winner was dumbfounded.
If it were me - I would have turned and said "Yes" - then peed all over his leg.
How's that for a piece of memorabilia?
Tips on Autograph seeking according to WikiHow
First and foremost, remember that celebrities are just people.
Stars have real lives and responsibilities; so, make sure your timing is appropriate for the occasion. Fans are appreciated, but keep in mind that no one wants to be ambushed as they're savoring a mouthful of dinner at a trendy eatery.
Also, understand that celebrities are used to people asking them for autographs. They take it in stride; therefore, don't be too nervous. Approach the celebrity, but don't get so close that it annoys them.
It's a good idea to say "Hi," tell them your name, and offer up a light compliment. Do not gush, apparently they don't enjoy it.
Ask a question or two. For example, comment on their latest movie, video, book, or whatever they're famous for.
Hold out a pen and paper, but don't stuff it into their hands.
Ask for an autograph by saying "I'd love to have your autograph," or "May I take a picture with you?" Don't be shy. Be confident and smiley.
Good luck!
John Grisham's autograph