Showing posts with label MKR creative writing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label MKR creative writing. Show all posts

He's A Clown

TransGriot Note: Been a while since I've been motivated to pen one of my infamous song rewrites.

This one is dedicated to our favorite 'ex-gay' preacher, Donnie McClurkin.

Since his self hating Bush butt kissing behind is so fond of using Scripture to beat up repeatedly on GLBT people, thought it was time to turn the tables.

So fire up those iPods and sing along, cause we about to have some church up on this blog!


He's A Clown
sung to the tune of 'We Fall Down' by Donnie McClurkin

He's a clown
Needs to shut up
He's a clown
Needs to shut up
He's a clown
Needs to shut up

His ex gay butt puts GLBT peeps down
That's jacked up Donnie
So shut up

He's hatin' on us again (6x)
His ex gay butt puts GLBT peeps down
So shut up

I Am She


An MKR poem

I am she
Was never he
May not agree
But here I be

Whoopee
I'm a divorcee
From masculinity
I'm so happy

Femininity
Is my cup of tea
But society
Questions my sanity

Fortunately
I'm not a devotee
Of your whacked ideology
And let my femme spirit free

Take a look and see
The curvy femme body
Matching the femme personality
Residing in me

Born a he
Theoretically
Ain't easy being T
But I love myself unconditonally

I am she
Was never he
I say it with glee
For eternity

The New Barney Theme Song


(Sung to the tune of the Theme From Barney)
Dedicated to the transphobic congressman from Massachusetts


I love you, you love me
But I don't if you are T
With a wink and a nudge to my friends at HRC
Took transpeeps out of ENDA, yes sirree.

Battlestar Galactica With Soul



TransGriot Note: Battlestar Galactica is one of my favorite shows. As a writing exercise, one day I took this scene from the miniseries, imagined that Gaius Baltar and Number Six were Black and started writing.


We're at the phat crib of Dr. Darius Baltar, scientific genius and playa-playa. He's got a honey dip in his bedroom and Number 36-24-36 is quietly watching him.

"Trick, get up," said 36-24-36.
"Who the frack are you?"
"Get the frack up out of his bed before you find out who I am."
"Darius, you gonna let her talk to me like that?"
"Sorry babe, she’s got it going on," said Darius. “I did tell you before we got busy I was seeing somebody.”
"So it’s like that, huh?”
“Yep Terri, it is.”
“My girlfriend Aisha warned me to leave your tired ass alone,” Terri said as she put her clothes on.
"Whatever tramp, get out." said 36-24-36 as Darius puts on his robe.
After Terri finished putting on her clothes, she rolled her eyes at Darius before storming out of the bedroom and slamming the door on her way out.

“Baby, I'm sorry...," he said with a contrite expression on his face.
"Spare me, Darius. I came here because I need to tell your dog ass something."
"And what's that?"
"I'm a Cylon."
"You're fracking kidding me, right?"
"No, I'm not. Didn't you notice anything unusual about me?"
"Naw baby, you’re fine as hell. But now that I think about it, there was that night I thought I saw red lights when we were doing the wild thang at the Caprica City Hilton."

He stepped back to take another good look at 36-24-36's shapely honey brown figure and hazel eyes.
“Dayum! Y'all sure have come a long way, baby. Last time I peeped Cylons y'all looked like walking chrome toasters."
"That's not all I have to tell you.”
“What? You have a sister?”
“I have many sisters. But that’s not important right now. Remember when I asked you for that little favor to look around the Colonial Fleet’s defense mainframe computers?"
"Yeah. Your point?"
"The point is that I played your pussy whipped punk azz. I needed you to help me complete my mission.”
"What mission?"
"We needed to find out what was up with the Colonial Fleet. Thanks to you I got the information I needed and sent it to the brothers and sistahs back on Cylon."
"YOU DID WHAT?" said Darius.
"I said I sent that information on the mainframe back to Cylon. Every fracking file."
"Girl, you know what they'll do to a brotha if they find out?"
"No, what?"

"They'll fry my black azz for treason."
“That’s your problem, not mine,” said 36-24-36. “What are you doing?"
"I need to call my lawyer," Darius said as he picked up his phone.
"That won't be necessary."
"What do you mean, that won't be necessary?"
"You heard me, that won’t be necessary,” said 36-24-36. “In a few hours there won't be anybody left on this planet to charge you with anything."
"What are you talking about?"
"The children humanity kicked to the curb are coming home,” said 36-24-36. “Today."

Fracked Up


An MKR Poem



photo-actress Kandyse McClure as Battlestar Galactica's Lt. Anastasia Dualla-Adama














Fracked up
Jacked up
Makes me wanna act up
To keep me from blowing up

'Bout how you hate me
Berate me
Constantly denigrate me
My African-American family

There's other transpeeps like me
Out and proud as can be
From sea to shining sea
Sharing your DNA history

Praying to be free
To match mind and body
With our gender identity
That's our reality

Want to live our lives
Without the shuck and jive
Not struggle to survive
Ready and eager to thrive

Sick of your jealousy
Your faith-based hypocrisy
Taking out your anger on me
About our jacked up society

Just because I changed gender
Doesn't make me a pretender
I'm a phenomenal contender
My Blackness I refuse to surrender

Don't care if you think
It's fracked up
Jacked up
Or I just need to shut up

Because you think I should be
In my birth body
Deny my true identity
To make your insecure azz happy

Keep chomping on the Hater Tots
Ashamed of being transgender I'm not
No more tears, anguish and strife
Cause I'm honestly living a life

That's not fracked up

The GOP Hates Science









































Sung to the tune of 'She Blinded Me With Science’ by Thomas Dolby’






It's ignorance in motion

The science hating GOP

They’re causing a commotion

Hating peeps that are GLBT

But the GOP hates science

"The GOP hates science!"

Because they failed biology



Stem cell research won’t occur

‘Cause the GOP hates science-science!"



"Science!"



Kissing up to the fundies

"The GOP hates science-science!"



"Science!"

"Science!"



Mmm - but it's ignorance in motion

The science hating GOP

They’re causing a commotion

Hating peeps that are GLBT

The GOP hates science

"The GOP hates science!"

Because they also failed geometry



Global warming’s a myth you see

"The GOP hates science - science!"

"Science!"

Mmm Mmm, Mmm Mmm- Rig voting booth machinery

"The GOP hates science - science!"

"Science!"



It's ignorance in motion

Fox News constantly lies to me

They’re causing a commotion

Messed with our nation’s harmony

The GOP hates science

"The GOP hates science!"

Hate SRS technology



"Good heavens Miss Sakamoto - you're a transsexual!"



Hey -I don't believe it!

They’re on CNN!

Talking that 'intelligent design' BS again!

All the anti-gay research

And junk science books

Based on Biblical contortions



But- It's ignorance in motion

The science hating GOP

They’re causing a commotion

Hating peeps that are GLBT

Oh - but the GOP hates science

"The GOP hates Science!"

The GOP hates -





Don't Disrespect Me


An MKR Poem

Don't disrespect me
Because you won't see
My evolving femininity
That overrides my transsexuality

Won't let your fear
Label me as queer
I'm a woman, my dear
Hope that's crystal clear

I'm Black and proud
Opinionated and loud
Ain't just a pretty face in a crowd
Praise be to God

My inner diva is finally free
So respect my gender identity
And my humanity
From sea to shining sea

Irreplaceable


Sung to the tune of 'Irreplacable' by Beyonce

To the left, To the left
To the left, To the left
To the left, To the left
My politics are a little to the left
I love my country just as much
My civil rights you please don’t touch
Keep talking that right-wing mess, that's fine
Your prez can’t walk and talk at the same time
Y’all ruined the USA my bad
Took too long to realize that we’ve been had

Right-wing talk shows yappin’ telling me
How we're all such fools - Talking about
How we'll never vote out peeps like you
You got me twisted

You must not know about me
You must not know about me
I'll have a new congressman/senator any minute
Be better when your opponent wins it- baby

You must not know about me
You must not know about me
I'll have a better America by tomorrow
So don't you ever for a second get to thinking you're irreplaceable

So go ahead and get gone
Call that lobbyist and see if they’re home
Oops, I bet ya thought that I didn't know
What did you think I was putting you out for?
Cause you was untrue
Not doing the job I elected you to do
Baby drop them office keys and hurry up before your limo leaves
Right wing talk shows yappin’ telling me
How we're all such fools - Talking about
How we'll never vote out peeps like you
You got me twisted

You must not know about me
You must not know about me
I'll have a new congressman/senator any minute
Be better when your opponent wins it-baby

You must not know about me
You must not know about me
I'll have a better America by tomorrow
So don't you ever for a second get to thinking you're irreplaceable

So since you can't help everyone
I’m voting you out of Washington
Because I’m nothing at all to you
I’ll shed tears of happiness, boo
I’m not a mindless sheep
Cause the truth of the matter is
Replacing you is so easy

To the left, To the left
To the left, To the left

To the left, To the left
My politics are a little to the left

To the left
To the left

Don't you ever for a second get to thinking you're irreplaceable

You must not know about me
You must not know about me
I'll have a new congressman/senator any minute
Be better when your opponent wins it - baby

You must not know about me
You must not know about me
I'll have a better America by tomorrow
Don't you ever for a second get to thinking you're irreplaceable

You must not know about me
You must not know about me
I'll have a new congressman/senator any minute
Be better when your opponent wins it - baby

You must not know about me
You must not know about me
I'll have a better America by tomorrow
Don't you ever for a second get to thinking you're irreplaceable

Confessions of an Ex-Fundamentalist

I'm Micah Christian and I'm a recovering fundamentalist.

It started in my youth when my parents began attending Humongous Baptist Church. As they got more involved in church events and were 'born again' they pulled me out of the public schools and enrolled me in the HBC Christian Academy. I used to love science classes, but not after I was taught something called 'creation science' or whatever they call it now.

I was also disturbed about the outright hatred that our senior pastor displays toward gay people. How can you reconcile preaching love for your fellow man while you're spending thousands of dollars of the church's money in supporting a mean-spirited anti-gay constitutional amendment and making their lives miserable?

I also questioned why we spent so much money on an ex-gay ministry that doesn't work. The people that go through it go right back to gay life. It's also interesting some of the stories my gay friends tell me about being approached in gay clubs or elsewhere by some HBC deacons for sex. They also told me about the transgender escort that the associate pastor sees on a regular basis, but every time a television camera is turned toward his face he's condemning GLBT people.

I hate attending church with a basketball arena sized crowd. I was happy at our old church that I was baptized in and I miss it. Unlike HBC, where the minister doesn't even know my name, Reverend Jordan knew me, my parents and my grandparents.

I also hate having Republican politics force fed to me under the cloak of religion and being told that liberals are evil. How can you honestly say that people who push for social justice for all, safe food standards, 40 hour workweek with safe conditions and are trying to make universal health care a reality are unpatriotic and evil?

And why are we at HBC commanded to do whatever it takes to get GLBT people fired from their places of employment? All they are trying to do is make a living like we are. Don't they have that right? What makes us so superior that we take it upon ourselves to cause pain and suffering to fellow human beings when we aren't perfect ourselves? We violate the Ten Commandments more that the people that our pastors condemn from the pulpit every Sunday.

After seeing all that over the years, I finally got tired of Humongous Baptist Church and started attending a new one. It's an open and affirming environment. My minister challenges us to think, study our Bible and be better people, not browbeat others with the word of God or manipulate scripture to justify bigotry and hatred.

It's taken a while, but I finally feel good and at peace about being a Christian.

A Taste of Studio 13


TransGriot Note: Studio 13 was a legendary club back home that catered to the Black gay community for two decades. It's where I honed my presentation into the Phenomenal Transwoman I am today and had fun doing it. I met some wonderful people like Cookie LaCook, Tommie Ross, Tiffany Brooks and Lawanda Jackson just to name a few.

I'm writing a novel set in 1980's gay Houston called Miss Thang that chronicles one of the transgender characters in my writing universe named Brittany Ross. I also include her friends Markita Johnson and Erica (Ebony Halston) Rideaux along for the ride as well. Enjoy


Erica was in a celebratory mood as she and Markita Johnson arrived at Studio 13 dressed to impress. She received her spring semester grades in the mail a few days ago and was delighted to discover that she’d earned two A’s and three B’s in her classes. She’d aced four of her finals, and earned a B on the math final she was worried about thanks to Brittany’s tutoring.

Her successful orchiectomy helped speed up her feminization process. The estrogen she was taking no longer had to fight testosterone that used to be produced in her recently removed testicles. The other upside was that when she tucked Miss Penis she no longer had unsightly balls getting in the way. Erica hated the fact that it was still there but that would be eradicated soon enough.

June was shaping up to be a great month for her. She had the condo to herself for another three days. Allen was on a business trip and wouldn’t be back until Monday, so she invited Markita to spend the weekend with her. She’d met her three weeks ago as Markita was watching Talent Night in boy mode. She struck up a conversation with her and discovered that they had similar backgrounds and interests.

Miss Markita had a similar caramel brown skin tone, but was much taller than Erica at five-ten. She was headed to Texas Southern University in the fall and wasn’t a 365 girl yet. She'd already acquired hormones and was starting to take them despite the fact that she was still living with her parents. Their friendship had rapidly progressed to the point where Markita was now Erica's drag daughter and kept some of her femme clothes in Erica’s closet.

They entered the converted two-story house that served as party central for Houston’s Black gay population. She turned to her left and stood for a few moments at the edge of the steps leading down to the sunken dance floor and surveyed the club. It was only ten forty-five and it was packed. People were already standing in the narrow corridor that led to the DJ booth and Tony Powell was hard at work inside keeping the party going. The dance floor was mobbed with people swaying to the hypnotic dance music throbbing from the speakers.

As Erica inspected the rest of the first floor she noted that the stairs were packed with people traipsing back and forth between the two levels. As she spied the closed curtains for the stage she wondered if it was a show night. Cookie LaCook's regal full figured presence walking past her with cassette tapes and records in her hands confirmed that it was.

Her cheerful mood was tempered by the knowledge that she’d come to a decision that would disappoint Allen. She wasn’t going to compete in the Miss Studio 13 pageant. She was ready to retire her Ebony Halston drag persona for good and she dreaded telling him when he arrived back in town.

But for now, fun was on the agenda. She focused her attention on the back bar where three drag queens were basking in the attention being showered on them by their admirers. She recognized Carla standing with her back to them conversing with a mutual friend and made a mental note to talk to her later in the evening. She noticed Markita had managed to get a barstool seat on the front side of the bar and was quietly observing what was going on around her. A tall light-skinned guy approached Markita and asked her to dance. She politely declined the invitation but told the gentleman to check with her later on a more suitable song.

Ebony turned her attention toward the entry door just in time to see an old friend of hers wave and quickly scurry in her direction.
“Hey Miss Ebony”
“Hey Donnie, what’s up?”
“Nothing gurl,” he said as he hugged her. “You sure are looking scrumptious tonight.”
“Thank you, baby.”
“Who’s your fishy friend I saw you walk in with?”
“That’s my sista Markita,” Erica said as she led him over to where Markita was sitting to facilitate the introductions.
“Donnie, meet Markita. Markita, Donnie.”
“Nice to meet you,” replied Markita.
“Likewise.” he said as Markita returned her gaze to the dancing throng.
“Hold my seat, Ebony,” she said as she rose up from the barstool. “I’m going to see what’s happening upstairs for a little while.”
“Okay,” she said as Markita turned on her heel and headed toward the stairwell.
“Is that your new drag daughter you were telling me about?” Donnie asked as he watched her gracefully walk up the stairs
“Yes.”
“You produce some beautiful children, gurl. We’re gonna have to get together one day and make a baby.”
“Yeah right. You know I have a man.”
“Umm hmm. I’ve been reading the tea leaves. The children say that you’re in need of some hot chocolate in your life.”
“Well, my White man is the right man for me.”
“Whatever, Miss Fish Basket. I’m gonna get me a cocktail. Would you like one?”
“Yes, I would Miss Donnie. A strawberry daiquiri, please.”
“Coming right up,” he said. The front bar where they were sitting was too crowded, so Donnie turned and headed for the back bar.

Just as Erica prepared to sit down six foot two inches of bad attitude and not-so-feminine looks walked up and deliberately bumped her. He stood less than two inches from her in an attempt to intimidate her.
“What do you want, Satan?” said Erica in a condescending tone.
“That’s Satin, bitch.”
“And I’ll always be a better looking one than you.”
“Don’t make me read you in here.”
“I thought you were devoid of the ability to read since you’re a tenth grade dropout.” Erica said as the club patrons watching the dissfest chuckled.
“You think you all that since you’re going to college.”
“I am compared to you. But like the UNCF says, a mind is a terrible thing to waste. What’s your excuse?”
“You better find an excuse to leave Donnie alone. That’s my trade.”
Bitch please. I got a man, thought Erica. I don’t want him. “Well Satan, he didn’t get that memo.”
“You call me out of my name one more time I’m gonna kick your ass.”
“Better queens than you have tried and failed.” Erica said as she rolled her eyes at him. “Don’t mess with me.”
“You better try harder to leave him alone before I cut you, bitch,” Satin barked as he stomped off toward the dressing room.
“You better go find some mouthwash for that stinky breath.” Erica said as she turned and focused her attention on the muscular chocolate-brown bartender busily mixing drinks. Donnie tapped her on the shoulder and handed her the daiquiri just as she let out a frustrated breath.
“What’s wrong Miss Ebony?”
“Nothing Donnie. Just have a few things on my mind.” she said as she took a sip of her drink.
“Like what?”
“How my boyfriend’s gonna take the news that I’m not entering the Miss Studio 13 pageant.”
“You’re not? Why?”
“Donnie, it’s not because I don’t think I can win it, I know I can.”
“But?”
“I’m just ready to move on to the next phase of my life. I wanna live my life as a twenty-four seven Black woman.”
“I hear you gurl.” Donnie said as she turned her head and spotted Markita talking to the light skinned guys who’d asked her to dance earlier. Erica observed him buying a drink for her, then resumed pondering her own personal issues.
“Donnie, I need to ask you something.”
“What is it?”
“What’s going on with you and Satin?’
“Absolutely nothing. I don’t want that ugly man.”
“That’s not what he’s telling the children. He’s says that you belong to him.”
“Oh really? Let me serve this sissy and put a stop to his delusions of grandeur. No wonder I haven’t been able to take any trade home to Casa De Donnie.”
He finished his drink, placed the glass on the bar and headed off at warp speed to the dressing room area of the club.

A few minutes later a half made up Satin came storming out of the dressing room with an agitated expression on his face. He rapidly turned his head right and left trying to locate Erica and once his eyes locked in on her quickly moved in her direction to confront her.
“You a hard headed bitch aren’t you?’
Que?” Erica answered in Spanish.
“You trying to be funny? I ain’t laughin.’ “
“But we’re laughing at you, Satan.” she said as Markita and Donnie arrived at her side. “You better run back to the dressing room and finish slapping some more paint on that ugly mug.”
Enraged, Satin tried to grab Erica but only succeeded in grasping Erica’s shiny black straight shoulder length hair and pulling her off her comfortable bar stool seat.
“It’s all mine, bitch. Unlike yours,” she said as she jerked Satin’s wig off his head and threw it onto the dance floor. Satin mistakenly released his grip on her hair and tried to swing at her. She ducked the incoming right hook, landed a knee into his midsection and proceeded to give him a black belt karate flavored ass kicking.

Satin crawled away from Erica after the quickie beatdown and attempted to retrieve his wig. The dance floor patrons played keep away with it for a few moments before one of them threw it onto the steps descending from the stage.
“Okay, Miss Cleopatra Jones. Remind me to stay on your good side,” Markita said with a chuckle.
“Hey, I warned him to leave me alone.”
“Better watch your back, gurl. You know he’s gonna be looking to get you now.”
“I’m not worried about that stupid sissy, Donnie. If he tries me again he’s gonna get the same industrial strength butt kicking he got tonight.”
“All right, Wonder Woman. Want another cocktail?”
“Yeah. All this drama is making me thirsty.”

You Can Call Bush Crazy


sung to the tune of 'You Can Call Me Crazy' by Guy

When Bill was runnin' thangs
America was all right
Bush steals two elections
It got worse overnight
From Cheney, to Rove and that sistahgurl
This administration makes me wanna hurl

They lie, deceive and do it very well
It's embarrassing our president
Can't read, speak, or spell
Y'all know Bush isn't wrapped too tight
Please impeach his azz
And get him out our life

You know that it's true
You can call Bush crazy

You you you
You you you
You can call Bush crazy

You you you
You you you


You know he's boozing it up
May even be coked out
Ask Angela Merkel y'all
If you have any doubts

Dislike for Bush is strong
More bad news every night
Don't care what Faux News says
Y'all know that Bush ain't right

You know that it's true
You can call Bush crazy


You you you
You you you
You can call Bush crazy

You you you
You know that it's true
You can call Bush crazy

You can call Bush crazy (x3)

You can call Bush crazy (x3)

You know that it's true
You can call Bush crazy

You can call Bush crazy (x3)

You know that it's true
You can call Bush crazy

You can call Bush crazy (x3)

You you you
You you you
You you you
You you you
You know that it's true
You can call Bush crazy
(rapid fade to end)

They Don't Want No Sissy Church














An MKR Poem

Faith brought us through the Middle Passage
Helped us survive slavery
It emboldened us to take out Jim Crow
And build community

Our ministers led us all those years
Had dreams like Dr. King
They ran for public office
And still dried our salty tears

But now they're on cable TV
Leaving some peeps in the lurch
Shufflin' for the GOP
'Cause they don't want no sissy church

Thought y'all were called by God
To take care of all your flock
When it comes to your GLBT children
It's them you demonize and mock

Adulterer, drug dealer or hooker
If you're straight then that's okay
If you're gay and wanna get married
You wanna ride with the KKK

The sermons in front of arena-sized crowds
Chock full of hate and bile
Dividing our community
Making white fundamentalists smile


You flap your gums on Faux News
Repeating the 'gay agenda' lie
But y'all were strangely silent
When Katrina caused our peeps to die


You're a fool for the GOP
Groveling for every faith-based cent
Not caring what you do to Black gay peeps
For that you'll have to repent

You Christopimps disgust me
You designer suit wearing sellout jerks
God and history will determine
Who the sissies are in the Black church

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