The Only 'F' I Ever Want

Back when I was in school the 'F' was something to avoid and be ashamed of. It was a source of negativity and a graphic representation of failure. I wanted to avoid seeing it on any report card I handed to my parents, any test that I took or any paper I wrote.

Since transition however, the 'F' has taken on a new connotation for me and other transwomen. It represents validation and official acceptance of our lives.

The gender marker code on our official documents is another war that we must fight just to validate our personhood. Back in 2000 I was determined to vote in that upcoming presidential election under my new name and have my voter registration reflect it. You don't know how happy I felt when I left the Harris County courthouse an hour later with a brand new voter registration card with my new name and an 'F' in the gender code box. I felt eight feet tall when I handed my new voter registration card to the precinct judge during early voting and affixed my signature to the line on the computer printout of registered voters that had Monica on it.

Gender codes reflecting our reality are vitally important to us. In a society in which we have to present identification every day for mundane things, it's a source of embarrassment, shame and anger when we are required to produce an ID that has a femme name on it but a big fat 'M' in the gender code box. A gender code that you know deep down is based on your genitalia's configuration at birth.

My old Texas driver's license had some gender memories attached to it. Back in 1978, when HISD was still offering driver's ed I took it in summer school, which was being hosted by Jones. For the road driving portion of it we were put in groups of four. I ended up in a car with three other women. One was my Thomas Jr. High homeroom classmate Rita Roy who now attended Lamar. The second sistah was a girl named Yvonne Sibley who attended Sterling and the third was a sista named Berlye Magee that went to Yates.

It was bad enough I was in a car with three gorgeous sistahs. I had a crush on Rita back in fifth grade and she'd become even more beautiful since we left Thomas. It was another aggravating reminder that I was on the wrong side of the gender fence.

The Real ID Act, passed in the wake of 9-11 is an aggravation for all transgender people. One of the other things I lobbied for back in May in addition to passage of hate crimes was the repeal of Title II of the Real ID Act. It makes it harder for us to change the gender marker on our identity documents. Those markers should reflect who we are in 2007, not what our genitalia was thirty to forty plus years ago.

The wrong gender marker also opens us up to discrimination. You don't have to be a MIT grad to figure out what's going on if a person standing in front of you in a female body hands you an ID with an 'M' in the gender marker portion of it.

If you think I'm exaggerating about this, check out this August 2 Dallas Voice story about transwoman Jodi Pleasant, who was denied entry into a Bossier City, LA casino because the gender marker didn't match her presentation.

We transpeeps are also having problems with the Social Security Administration. Your Social Security number is permanent and you aren't allowed to change it but you can change the name. What the SSA has been doing since 2002 is sending employer's letters if a SSN doesn't match with the name in the SSA database. That has the effect of outing transpeople to their employers. If those employers are transphobic, then that letter has the effect of potentially costing them their jobs.

Transpeople shouldn't have to jump through hoops to change gender codes on any identity documents. Neither should we be required to produce letters proving that we've had SRS. Not everyone will be able to have SRS for fiscal or medical reasons. For transmen their surgeries aren't even close to being satisfactory for them and they often forgo them. Simple proof that the person has been living in their new gender for an extended period of time should be enough to do that.

We need to strike a compromise that balances the needs of society to accurately ID a person and balance it with the desire of transpeople to have that ID accurately reflect their new reality.

Beauty Shop Confessions

One of the things that I was apprehensive about after I started transition in 1994 was finding a beauty shop to hook up my hair. I had the task of not only finding a beautician that would be open minded enough to understand what we transwomen have to deal with, but also have a flexible enough schedule to deal with my airline work schedule. I was also concerned about whether or not I would fit in with her current clientele.

I didn't have to go very far. Ironicially it was the one my ex-girlfriend went to. Sadat Busari's shop at the time was right next door in the strip shopping center to my old apartment complex on Bissonnet. I started going to A Cut Above and was a faithful customer of hers until the time I moved to Da Ville in September 2001.

One of the things about African-American male culture is that the barbershop was the center of the universe. It's where guys talked politics, listened as other guys discussed women, bragged about their sporting prowess, sports knowledge and relationships. The seniors gathered at a table in the back and played dominos while waiting for their turn in the barber chair.

I grew up with a female barber. One thing about my hometown is that I had a lot of strong women in my life and Miss Charlene was one of them. She'd been cutting my hair at her Sunnyside area shop on Scott Street since I was 6 years old. She chewed my behind if my grandfather Leo reported to her that my grades slipped. She was the one that taught me how to play dominos and I used to partner with to play against and beat the old heads. I had been accurately pontificating on a wide variety of subjects since I was 10 and my thoughts were respected by the young and old denizens of that shop.

Some of my apprehension was generated because I wondered what the atmosphere was like in a beauty shop and whether I'd fit in. My mom, aunt and sisters always went to my grandmother Lou Ella's house to get their hair hooked up on Saturdays and I was the person who frequently ended up driving them over there once I got my driver's license.

I discovered that it's not too dissimilar to what I'd experienced in my old barbershop. While we didn't play dominos in A Cut Above, I was right in my element when we discussed politics, books we'd read and talked about relationships. It was also a lot of fun for me because I was in discovery mode (and still am) when it came to life as an African-American woman and I reveled in being there.

I discovered that some sistahs could be just as raunchy as the guys were sometimes when it came to discussing sex. One of the customers used to give us details about how she worked her boyfriend over the night before. I was amused to find out later her boyfriend worked for CAL like I did. Since some of the customers knew my T-woman status, I ended up breaking down their relationship problems and giving them advice based on the knowledge gained from living on the other side of the gender fence and knowing how the male thought processes work.

If it was just me and Sadat in the shop, sometimes we trade details on our lives. I learned about her childhood growing up in the Biafra region of Nigeria, dealing with being a wife, mother and business owner and being part of the Nigerian community in Houston. She heard me talk about my family, some of my airport exploits, my desire to see less bickering between African-Americans and our Nigerian cousins and my latest, sometimes humorous discoveries I made about navigating a gender change.

And yeah, Sadat hooked up my hair in the process to the point where I was always getting compliments on it.

Unpretty

You can buy your hair if it won’t grow
You can fix your nose if he says so
You can buy all the make-up that MAC can make
But if you can’t look inside you
Find out who am I, too
Be in a position to make me feel so damn unpretty


TLC has a dynamite song from their Fan Mail CD called 'Unpretty' that talks about self-esteem. All women from time to time have those issues and transwomen are no exception.

Since we transpeople get bombarded by so much negativity from society, if you don't have the self-love and rock solid self confidence you can easily fall victim to negative karma in terms of how you feel about yourself inside and out.

Combine that with the knowledge as African-Americans that our women are regarded as some of the most beautiful on the planet. You can easily see where that can lead one to fall into the trap of believing that you can't possibly measure up to that standard. It also causes some transwomen to do things like inject free silicone in our bodies in an attempt to live up to that beauty standard as well.

The unpretty feelings are especially acute in the early stages of your transition when the hormones haven't had time to work their magic on your body and you are very much caught between the male and female realm.

Even after you get through the rough spots of early transition and have lived your life for several years as a female, there are times when some snide comment, an unfamiliar situation, dating, a negative comment questioning your gender identity or looking at government-issued ID documents that have a gender code on them that don't match your current gender presentation can reawaken all those awkward, depressing, unpretty feelings all over again.

I've been transitioned for over a decade now and I still have my moments from time to time. I can't imagine what it's like for the transkids now.

Then again, maybe I can.


I remember early in my transition when I told some friends that I wasn't going to allow myself to get caught up in that 'obsessing over my beauty' mentality. It didn't take long before I was sitting in the nail shop twice a month, getting the hair done, doing facials and clay masques once a week and all the other things that sistahs do to make themselves look presentable to the male species.

Combine that with the fact that I come from a long line of historians. I'm acutely aware of the role that African-American women played and continue to play in not only shaping our society but looking fly while doing it. To know that's part of the legacy that you are now charged with representing honorably can be daunting at times and leads me to wonder if I'm doing enough to uphold it.

I guess because I lived the first quarter of my life stuck in a male body I'm a little more sensitive to the outside packaging and care about presenting a good image both inside and out. Early on I felt like I had to be on my 'A' game in terms of my gender presentation. As I got more comfortable in my skin and learned who Monica was and what she stood for, I gradually got away from putting that kind of pressure on myself.

For the most part I do a pretty good job of living up to being the Phenomenal Transwoman that I am but I have to be honest. I have my moments when I fight to avoid feeling unpretty and fail.

Sometimes I end up wallowing in it for a day or so, scarfing up Blue Bell homemade vanilla and listening to Sade CD's. Other times I just call my homegirls who give me a swift kick in the rear, a verbal pep talk and tell me to get over it.

With the constant beauty messages that we are bombarded with, it's hard not to feel unpretty at times, but as long as you love yourself and are satisfied with your life those unpretty periods don't last long.

Gender Musings

One of the things I've been thinking about recently is why some people get so bent out of shape when someone is perceived as not being in conformity with the binary gender system.

According to the almighty binary gender system there are only two genders, male and female. Males are supposed to have short hair, XY chromosomes, muscular bodies, big hands, narrow waists, rough skin, big feet and a penis. Females are supposed to have shorter hourglass shaped bodies with wide hips, small feet and hands, smooth skin, long hair, XX chromosomes and a vagina. The societal roles are organized based on those physical traits.

But as nature continues to demonstrate and science continues to inexorably point out, it is not as clear-cut and rigid as some humans wish it to be.

There are genetic men walking around on this planet right now who probably don't realize they have XX chromosomes and genetic women with XY chromosomes. Oh by the way, did I mention the peeps with three chromosomes? And just to make your head spin a little more let's add intersex peeps to this gender stew.

But let me take it back to the social gender aspects. What's up with the intense negative reaction to anything that doesn't fit the binary gender mode?

My thoughts on it is because over the last century and the early years of the 21st century we have seen rapid social changes and technological breakthroughs in our lifetimes. Those changes have sometimes altered our society in profound ways and people are grasping for something that has remained constant over time.

Gender used to be one of those things that peeps assumed was constant. Penis=male, vagina=female. Transgender peeps like myself and intersex peeps throw major curve balls into that assumption.

Gender-cued roles have also morphed as well in conjunction with the emergence of transgender people from society's shadows. You now have female CEO's, female bodybuilders, stay at home dads and beauty queens that were born male. Some peeps are having a hard time adjusting to these changes while others lash out at them using religion as their cover to do so. Some are unfortunately using violence to express their frothing anger over these events.

Transgender peeps are not a 20th century phenomenon. It's been occurring since human history has been documented and is even part of our folklore, stories and myths. We are just in an age where transgender peeps are getting more news coverage and more research is coming on line to ascertain how and why it happens.

The Human Genome Project and similar ongoing scientific research will only continue to help us answer society's most fundamental question: what is a man and what is a woman? It is something that we need to know and doesn't need to be feared.

UCLA Research Suggests That Sexual Identity Is 'Hard-Wired' Before Birth

UCLA Scientists Find Genes Organize Male and Female Brains Differently; Research Suggests That Sexual Identity Is 'Hard-Wired' Before Birth

Refuting 30 years of scientific theory that solely credits hormones for brain development, UCLA scientists have identified 54 genes that may explain the different organization of male and female brains.

Published in the October edition of the journal Molecular Brain Research, the UCLA discovery suggests that sexual identity is hard-wired into the brain before birth and may offer physicians a tool for gender assignment of babies born with ambiguous genitalia.

"Our findings may help answer an important question - why do we feel male or female?" explained Dr. Eric Vilain, assistant professor of human genetics and urology at the David Geffen School of Medicine at UCLA and a pediatrician at UCLA's Mattel Children's Hospital. "Sexual identity is rooted in every person's biology before birth and springs from a variation in our individual genome."

Since the 1970s, scientists have believed that estrogen and testosterone were wholly responsible for sexually organizing the brain. In other words, a fetal brain simply needed to produce more testosterone to become male. Recent evidence, however, indicates that hormones cannot explain everything about the sexual differences between male and female brains.

Vilain and his colleagues explored whether genetic influences could explain the variations between male and female brains. Using two genetic testing methods, they compared the production of genes in male and female brains in embryonic mice - long before the animals developed sex organs.

To their surprise, the researchers found 54 genes produced in different amounts in male and female mouse brains, prior to hormonal influence. Eighteen of the genes were produced at higher levels in the male brains; 36 were produced at higher levels in the female brains.

"We didn't expect to find genetic differences between the sexes' brains," admitted Vilain. "But we discovered that the male and female brains differed in many measurable ways, including anatomy and function."

In one intriguing example, the two hemispheres of the brain appeared more symmetrical in females than in males. According to Vilain, the symmetry may improve communication between both sides of the brain, leading to enhanced verbal expressiveness in females.

"This anatomical difference may explain why women can sometimes articulate their feelings more easily than men," he said.

Overall, the UCLA team's findings counter the theory that only hormones are responsible for organizing the brain.

"Our research implies that genes account for some of the differences between male and female brains," noted Vilain. "We believe that one's genes, hormones and environment exert a combined influence on sexual brain development."

The scientists will pursue further studies to distinguish specific roles in the brain's sexual maturation for each of the 54 different genes they identified. What their research reveals may provide insight into how the brain determines gender identity.

"Our findings may explain why we feel male or female, regardless of our actual anatomy," said Vilain. "These discoveries lend credence to the idea that being transgender --- feeling that one has been born into the body of the wrong sex -- is a state of mind.

"From previous studies, we know that transgender persons possess normal hormonal levels," he added. "Their gender identity likely will be explained by some of the genes we discovered."

Vilain's findings on the brain's sex genes may also ease the plight of parents of intersex infants, and help their physicians to assign gender with greater accuracy. Mild cases of malformed genitalia occur in 1 percent of all births - about 3 million cases. More severe cases - where doctors can't inform parents whether they had a boy or girl -- occur in one in 3,000 births.

"If physicians could predict the gender of newborns with ambiguous genitalia at birth, we would make less mistakes in gender assignment," said Vilain.

Lastly, Vilain proposes that the UCLA findings may help to explain the origin of homosexuality.

"It's quite possible that sexual identity and physical attraction is 'hard-wired' by the brain," he noted. "If we accept this concept, we must dismiss the myth that homosexuality is a 'choice' and examine our civil legal system accordingly."

The UCLA study was supported by the National Institute of Child Health and Human Development, the National Science Foundation and with start-up funds from the UCLA Department of Urology. Vilain's co-authors included Phoebe Dewing, Steve Horvath and Tao Shi, all of UCLA.

Tall Sistahs

photo-Sen. Barack Obama and his statuesque 5'11" wife Michelle.


In our society women are considered tall if they are 5'8' or taller. There's much debate as to how elastic that definition of 'tall' is. My personal belief is that if you're 5'7" or above you can consider yourself tall. Some people dispute my belief and state that tall status for women starts at 5'6".

One of my issues when I started transition was my height. I used to believe the hype despite the abundant evidence that there weren't a lot of women my height (6'2") and I would get read like a cheap novel.

A few things happened that changed my outlook. The rise of 5'11" Tyra Banks as a supermodel at the time I was beginning my transition, Dr. Cole drilling it into my head during my gender counseling sessions over time that women come in ALL shapes and sizes, my own observations of the world around me and the startup of the WNBA in 1997. I began to look at it with a renewed sense of pride that I am over 6 feet tall and most of my under 5'7" sisters would love to be walking in my pumps.

My fears turned out to be unfounded. The ironic thing is that most peeps when they see me on the street ask me if I'm a fashion model or a WNBA ballplayer. ;)

To help those who may be going through a similar thing, this is a list that I have compiled of sistahs that are 5'7" or taller. While there are other lists of tall women on the Net, many of them either don't have or list few of our African-American stars or peeps of note.

This post will be one that I'll continually update. There are tall women of all ethnic backgrounds and I'll be putting that together in a separate post.

The Tall Sistahs List

5'7"

Halle Berry
Eve
India Arie
Vivica A. Fox
Sanaa Lathan
Sade
Jackee
Tracee Ellis Ross
Florence Griffith-Joyner
Rosario Dawson
Dawnn Lewis
Beyonce Knowles
Dionne Warwick

5'8"

Aaliyah
Rihanna
Shari Headley
Ananda Lewis
Whitney Houston
Gabrielle Union
Jill Marie Jones
Pam Grier
Chudney Ross (Diana Ross' daughter and Tracee Eillis Ross' baby sis)
Maritza Correia (US women's team swimmer)
Zahra Redwood (2007 Miss Jamaica)
Jennifer Beals 5'8 1/2”

5'9"

Michael Michele
Mariah Carey
Ciara
Iman
Kelis
Kim Coles
Mo’Nique
Beverly Johnson
Toccara Jones
Garcelle Beauvais
Lela Rochon
Valarie Pettiford
Yoanna Henry (2007 Miss St. Lucia)
Renata Christian (2007 Miss US Virgin Islands)
Shakara Ledard 5'9 1/2" (supermodel)
Crystle Stewart (2008 Miss USA)

5'10"

Jayne Kennedy
Naomi Campbell
Serena Williams
Cynthia Cooper
Laila Ali
Queen Latifah
Jackie Joyner-Kersee
Robin Roberts
Kenya Moore
Omarosa Manigault-Stallworth
K.D. (Karen Denise) Aubert
Lisa Fischer (Luther Vandross backup singer)
Naomi Sims
Micaela Reis (2007 Miss Angola)
Meleesea Payne (2007 Miss Guyana)
Flaviana Matata (2007 Miss Tanzania)
Gayle King
Veronica Webb 5'10 1/2"


5'11"

Tyra Banks
Grace Jones
Nikki McCray
Alek Wek
Marion Jones
Marsha Warfield
Michelle Obama
Anne Marie Johnson
Rachel Smith (2007 Miss USA)
Rosemary Chileshe (2007 Miss Zambia)
Wendy Williams 5’11 1/2”

6 feet

Phyllis Hyman
Aisha Tyler
Faye Wattleton (former head Planned Parenthood)
Sheryl Swoopes
Nona Gaye
Macy Gray
Kimora Lee Simmons
Maya Angelou
Stagecoach Mary Fields
Jamaica Kincaid
Octavia Butler
Carole Gist (first African-American Miss USA)
Yolanda Adams
Jewel Garner (2007 Miss Barbados)

6'1"

Wendy Fitzwilliam (1998 Miss Universe)
Tamika Catchings (Indiana Fever)
Swin Cash (Seattle Storm)
Jade Johnson (British long-jumper)
Venus Williams 6'11/2"

6'2"

Tamara Dobson (from the Cleopatra Jones movie)
Tina Thompson (Houston Comets)
Rev. Paula McGee (Twin sis of Pamela McGee and USC b-ball great)
Pamela McGee (Twin sis of Paula McGee and retired WNBA baller)
Oluchi Onweagba (Nigerian-born supermodel)
Flo Hyman (former US Olympic volleyballer)
Chamique Holdsclaw (LA Sparks)
Tari Phillips (former Houston Comet)
Tamika Whitmore (Indiana Fever)

6'3"

Cheryl Miller
Mistie Williams (Houston Comets center and daughter of Chubby Checker)
Cheryl Ford (Detroit Shock and daughter of NBA hall of famer Karl Malone)
Astou Ndiaye-Diatta (Indiana Fever)
DeMya Walker (Sacramento Monarchs)

6'4"

Carolyn Peck (former University of Florida women's Head Coach)
Candace Parker (LA Sparks)
Monique Ambers (former head coach of the Sacramento Monarchs)
Tangela Smith (Charlotte Sting)
Tammy Sutton-Brown (Indiana Fever)

6'5"

Lisa Leslie (Olympian and LA Sparks center)
Monica Lamb (former center Houston Comets)
Michelle Snow (Houston Comets center)

6'6"
Sylvia Fowles (Chicago Sky)

I Have To Prove It Every Day

photo-Grace Park as Sharon 'Athena' Agathon

There was a recent Battlestar Galactica episode in which Sharon and her husband Helo were discussing some issues. During the conversation Helo remarked that to him his Cylon wife was always human. She countered that to the rest of the fleet she has to prove that every day.

I feel her on that.

There are times during this gender journey that I feel like Sharon. No matter how fly I look, how smart I am, how many awards I garner, how good a job I do and how many times my genetic girlfriends, supportive family members and classmates that are still in my life tell me that I am what I've known I was supposed to be, I still feel like Sharon in the fact that I have to prove my womanhood every day.

Sometimes that can get to be a pain in the ass.

Yeah, I'll admit that there are some days that I wish that I'd been born female from jump and get to experience everything about it. Usually the transmen I know will tell me otherwise and extol how happy they are to escape cramps, bloating, the cycle, et cetera. Even my girlfriends will tell me they consider me the lucky one. I'll sometimes respond with the comment that no one questions your femininity nor do you have to think about it on a regular basis. However, I do share one aspect of it with my genetic sisters. I now have a heightened risk for breast cancer and have to do mammograms and regular breast exams.

But as philosopher Simone de Beauvoir once stated, 'Great women are made, not born.'

I may have only been female externally for thirteen years, but in a sense I've been prepping for this point in my life for a long time. My goal is to be the best woman I can be despite being born in a male body. To me that means observing the great examples of positive women in my own family, my feminine role models famous and not-so-famous (which I'm profiling in my Women I Admire posts) and incorporating their best qualities into my own life.

One thing I'm acutely aware of growing up in a family of historians is the great contributions that Black women have and continue to make to advance our people. Uplifting the race in terms of community service is a part of Black womanhood that I eagerly embrace. All the sisters that I've read about and witnessed doing positive things inspires me to step it up another level.

I'm cognizant of the fact that Black women are considered trendsetters in terms of fashion and their images. I'm considered a role model in the transgender community and have to pay attention to the image that I project to the outside world. Not a problem since I like fashionable clothes, get a manicure and pedicure every two weeks, hair is on point and I rarely leave the house without my face done. The fact that I have a fashionista diva as a roommate who will not hesitate to call me out along with my best girlfriends doesn't hurt either.

With hormones, electrolysis, laser hair removal and surgery the physical part of transition is easy. The toughest part is the spiritual and emotional end of it. That part of the feminine journey doesn't end until they close the coffin lid on you. Getting in tune with the spiritual and emotional side is a must and too many of my transsistahs ignore or are unaware of that aspect of womanhood.

Black womanhood is a lofty goal to live up to. Sometimes I believe that some of the genetic women in my family dismiss the prayerful seriousness I place on being a compliment and not a detriment to the women (and men) that are related to me. I realized in my youth I don't just represent me, I represent my family and the entire African-American community. My interactions with society must be on point and reflect that at all times.

Nothing in life is easy. Being an African-American transwoman definitely isn't. It's hard work and frustrating as hell sometimes. All these words about my latest take on being transgender get boiled down to one simple fact: I'm happily living life in my own skin.

Even if I have to constantly prove that I'm one of the girls.

For Women of Color, A Fuller Beauty Standard

photo-model Toccara Jones

By Robin Givhan
Friday, February 16, 2007; C02

The voluptuous actress Jennifer Hudson wears a burgundy satin dress on the cover of the March issue of Vogue magazine, where she has been photographed by Annie Leibovitz and lionized by Andre Leon Talley. In the cover image, she leans slightly forward and her mouth is open as if she were captured in the middle of a song. Hudson, one of the stars of "Dreamgirls," is not the usual fragile-framed celebrity or model that one typically finds starring in an issue of Vogue.

March is not Vogue's "shape" issue, its yearly nod to women whose body type does not fit the fashion standard. It would not be particularly surprising to see her there. Instead, Hudson, who went from a reality show castoff to Oscar nominee, is the logical but unexpected star of the fashion bible's enormous "power" issue, which also celebrates women such as House Speaker Nancy Pelosi and the model-turned-philanthropist Natalia Vodianova. Hudson is not photographed wearing her own clothes, the technique often applied to glamour-shy politicians and real people too big to fit the samples. She gets the full fashion treatment, Carolina Herrera dress and all.

The Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition also has a cover model known for her generous curves: singer Beyoncé Knowles. Although one should point out that her figure is generous only by the standards of Hollywood and Seventh Avenue. Most everyone else would simply describe it as "wow." Knowles, who was also in "Dreamgirls" is kneeling in the sand in a yellow and pink bikini.

The magazine also invited talk/reality show host Tyra Banks, who famously posed on the cover of the swimsuit issue 10 years ago in an itsy-bitsy polka-dot bikini, to re-create that image, according to the Associated Press. Banks was the first black model to appear on the cover alone.

Banks is approximately 20 pounds heavier on her 5-foot-10 frame since that time, a fact that caused so much cyber-sniping that she defended herself by posing as a luscious 161-pound pinup on the cover of People. She is a whole lot of woman now, but she did not diet down to fit into the old swimsuit. Sports Illustrated, clearly understanding that a lot of men like "a lot of woman," just added a little extra fabric to ensure tasteful coverage of the parts that had grown bigger.

These disparate magazines are lauding the booty beautiful at a time when the body standard for models -- and actresses -- has come under scrutiny for being unrealistically and unhealthily thin. While designers in New York were unveiling their fall 2007 collections last week, the industry hosted a panel presentation on the subject of ever-shrinking models who have gone from a size 6 a decade ago to size 2/4 and occasionally 0.

The one thing that connects these three curvaceous women, other than their celebrity, is that they are women of color. On them, curves are acceptable. While women such as actress Kate Winslet, who is white, have talked about not giving in to a Hollywood culture that demands they be super slim, it seems that only African-American and Latina actresses really get away with extra pounds, or even just a round
bottom. See: Jennifer Lopez, Queen Latifah, "Ugly Betty's" America Ferrera and "Grey's Anatomy's" Chandra Wilson and Sara Ramirez.

One could argue that these women, each one quite pretty, are not considered part of the mainstream -- their ethnicity is still a regularly used modifier in their professional lives. They stand just a little apart, so they are exempt from adhering to mainstream definitions of beauty. They set their own standards. But being judged by a different set of rules can be both liberating and vexing.

There may be a greater willingness to accept heft when it is brown or black because it is so much easier to find evidence of black women who are large and proud and take pleasure in their bodies. While so many women -- of all ethnicities -- fret about a modest waistline that protrudes slightly over a pair of low-slung jeans, creating the dreaded "muffin top," there is a group of self-assured women of color who have an entire loaf of bread rising up and over their waistband, and they don't care. Their pudge may not be healthy, but they project confidence and contentment.

There is also the stereotype of the large black woman as the diva-like sexpot: strong, aggressive and entitled. See: the comedian Mo'Nique. There is always the looming danger of taking that caricature into destructive and demoralizing territory -- black women as oversexed, or black women as impenetrable, or obesity as healthy.

But that iconic image has established that big can be beautiful and desirable -- at least when it comes to women of color. Telling a black woman that she has "big legs" -- meaning shapely -- is a compliment, not something meant to send her into training for a marathon.

The larger culture has not bought into that opinion, but it seems to have been swayed. Roundness is more accepted of black women because they are more accepting of their own curves.

Angelica's Had It Up To Here (And So Have I)

Yesterday Elizabeth (one of my TransGriot guest colmunists) posted a link from You Tube of a video from Chicago transwoman Angelica Love Ross.

Angelica expressed her frustration with the images out there of African-American transwomen. She made it clear that she wasn't criticizing those people who are involved in the pageant, showgirl and adult entertainment worlds, but implored them to think about life after being in those worlds. She drove home the point that we are capable of doing far more than that. Angelica does shows but has a real estate license and a business she's putting together that she's launching later this summee.

She drew from her Native American heritage and personal example to implore African-American transwomen to look past fleeting beauty and stretch themselves spiritually and emotionally to become better human beings that can make positive contributions to society.

I couldn't agree more.

It's a subject that I and other African-American transwomen have discussed for almost a decade now. Many of us are beyond Fannie Lou Hamer status when it comes to 'being sick and tired of being sick and tired' of negative images. Somewhere along the way we veered away from the classy image of Justina Williams to shemalewhatever.com and I have a theory as to when it started.

My suspicions point to the early 80's. That's when AIDS was ravaging the GLBT community and taking out those people who would have been mentors to my generation of transpeeps. Those who were willing to do so, that is.

Factor in what gender clinics told their patients back in the day about gender transition. They advised them to have SRS, blend in with society and cut any ties to the transgender community. Many did. In the case of some African-American transpeeps they went stealth for employment, personal security reasons or both.

The problem with 'stealth' is that we end up not having any knowledge about successful transwomen like the Lynn Conway's of the world unless they come forward or are outed. That becomes more critical when you are part of a minority community and you look for role models for additional inspiration and strength. One of the factors that held up my transition was because I didn't have multiple examples of college-educated transpeeps who looked like me. I didn't meet any until the late 90's.

There's an old saying that 'nature abhors a vacuum'. The lack of visible role models, the death of many in the 80's due to HIV/AIDS, stealth status of others who could have acted as mentors, lack of a community information and support structure similar to our Caucasian sistets and brothers and lack of media coverage created a vacuum that allowed the 'only thing a Black transperson can do is shows or adult entertainment' myth to flower into existence. That's BS, but until you see out and proud African-American transpeeps that are successful in life and the business world, then that negative perception is one we are going to have to expend a lot of energy counteracting.

That image makeover needs to happen right now. We have some churches in our communities preaching hate sermons against us. Because of ignorance and misperceptions about gender identity in our community we comprise a disproportionate share of the people tragically affected by anti-transgender violence. Some 'ejumacation' is sorely needed in the African-American community about who we are and what we have to offer our people.

That information dissemination also needs to happen amongst our fellow transpeeps. There are other ways to 'get paid' and education is the key to a better life. There are African-American transistahs and transbrothas who not only sucessfully work nine to fives but are helping uplift our race as well.

I Am A Houston Sistah

An MKR Poem

I am a Houston sistah that’s strong, proud and free
I am a Houston sistah that’s as fly as she can be
I am a Houston sistah cognizant of her history
And striving to live up to that powerful legacy

The ’Yellow Rose of Texas’ song is legendary
Cause Emily Morgan’s beauty changed the course of history
She mesmerized Santa Anna, let the historical record show
Just before the decisive battle at San Jacinto

Debbie Allen and Phylicia Rashad are the sistahs that we see
In front and behind the cameras doing quality TV
They both have style and grace, shoot they were born that way
They’re homegirls that grew up in the ward that we know as The Tre’

Barbara Jordan has her roots planted in H-town, too
She moved from Wheatley High school to the campus of TSU
Her distinctive speaking voice rang out so eloquently
On a political journey from the Nickel to DC

There’s another sistah that hails from the 7-1-3
Moved on from teaching ‘cause her heart is grounded spiritually
For this statuesque woman it really ain’t no thang
But people sho’ love to hear Yolanda Adams sang

Oops, there’s another sistah that I almost failed to mention
She has Jay-Z’s and many peeps undivided attention
My comments about sistah girl will definitely be non-malicious
Beyonce Knowles is a beauty that puts the booty in bootylicious

To all the Houston transplants, on y’all I’m not gonna hate
Cause some of y’all weren’t blessed to be born inside of Beltway 8
Mad props to our congresssistah who was born in NYC
What up to the Honorable Sheila Jackson Lee

Before I go gotta send some love the Houston Comets way
The first dynasty that dominated the WNBA
Much love to our evacuee sistahs who are moving here to stay
From New Orleans L-O-U-I-S-I-A-N-A

I am a Houston sistah, too that’s strong, proud and free
I am a Houston sistah that’s as fly as she can be
I am a Houston sistah cognizant of her history
And always striving to live up to this powerful legacy

I Am Woman

By D. Cookie Fields as told to Michelle Burford
from Essence Magazine
November 2006 edition


As a man he joined the Marines, married the love of his life and had two children. All the while he struggled with the sense that he was meant to live his life as a woman. One day he decided to make a change.


As far back as I can remember, I had felt like a stranger in my own body. As an only child growing up among rambunctious boy cousins and friends in a working class Chicago suburb, I knew I wasn't quite 'right.' I think my mother suspected something, too. When I was 4 she found me coloring my fingernals with crayons.
"Little boys don't do that," she whispered as put away the Crayolas and scrubbed my nails clean. Later I would borrow her skirts, earrings and shoes to play dress up. I often told her I that I felt different, not like other boys. "What do you mean," my mother would say. "You fit with our family." I know she had no idea how it felt to me-a girl trapped in a boy's body. Back then my parents could not have conceived that I would one day board a plane to Thailand as their son, D, and return as their daughter Cookie.

By the time I reached adolescence, I regularly dressed up as a woman, though I knew enough then to hide it. If Mom discovered my stash of heels, dresses, bras and makeup hidden in the house, she admonish me by saying "You've got to stop this!" But neither she nor my father ever had a direct conversation with me about my cross-dressing. Maybe they thought it was a phase I'd outgrow. I never did.


LOVE AND MARRIAGE

I wasn't gay. I've never once been drawn to a man, nor have I ever had sex with a man. I am only attracted to women. At 17 I had intercourse for the first time. What I recall most was the feeling of intimacy-the kissing, the caressing, the closeness. The only part I didn't enjoy was the penetration. When I was still living in a man's body a girlfriend once told me, "Making love to you is like making love to a woman."

And yet I did everything possible I could to seem as manly as possible. After graduating from high school in 1977, I joined the Marines and moved to South Carolina. Within months, I had worked my way up to the head of uniform inspections. I still felt a compulsion to cross-dress sometimes, but I'd sneak off the base to do it. Then in 1980, when I was 20, the military relocated me to Los Angeles. There for the first time I met other cross-dressers like me. And I met transsexuals-those who'd had sex-change surgery. Though we all fell under the acronym LGBT(lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender), I discovered that even in this group I was atypical, in that most male cross-dressers are attracted to other men. Still for the first time in my life I felt understood. It was such a relief to know I wasn't alone.

In Los Angeles I also met the woman I would marry. I saw her sitting with her sisters at a military social and asked her to dance. She turned me down, but her sisters, both military wives, urged her to give me a chance. I must have seemed perfectly respectable with my short Marine Corps fade. We exchanged phone numbers, and soon I was seeing this woman with the unforgettable smile every weekend. Eventually moved in together on the military base. That's when she found my women's clothing.

"Whose are these?" she asked me. Nervously I told her the truth-that I liked to dress up as a woman. The obvious questions followed: "What do you get out of it?" "Are you gay?" I tried to reassure her that I simply felt most comfortable when I cross-dressed, and that I'd never had sex with a man or been unfaithful to our relationship. She was confused and disturbed by my desire, but our relationship was so good in every other way that she stayed, and in 1982 we got married. We had a son soon after, and two years later a daughter.

I would sneak off to Hollywood at least one weekend each month dressed as a woman. In the first few years of our marriage, my wife stumbled across more and more of my women's clothes, and with each discovery, the strife between us intensified. "Just don't bring your life into our house," she'd tell me. I began keeping my wigs, heels, purses, earrings, nail polish and lipstick in the garage. I understood why she and almost every other person in the world would never get it, but I felt so compelled to cross-dress that I couldn't give it up. The most I could do was promise my wife that I wasn't sleeping around. Even with my secret hovering over us, we enjoyed a fulfilling sex life. So we each did what we had learned how to do: live in the space of denial.

DON'T ASK, DON'T TELL

Then came the night that my 11-year old daughter saw me dressed up as a woman. I'd come home late to find the garage door locked, so I'd gone to another door. When I passed my daughter's bedroom, she woke just in time to glimpse her father in a skirt, wig and red lipstick. The next day she said, "You we're dressed as a woman last night." She didn't seem upset, but I insisted she was mistaken. I felt so guilty about lying to my child, but I was convinced she would find my behavior confusing. I told myself I was protecting her.

In the months that followed, I escaped to Hollywood with increasing frequency. Somehow I felt more myself with my transgender friends than I did anywhere else. One Sunday, sitting in church with my family, listening to the minister preach about living an authentic life, I felt as if my heart would shatter from the pain of living such a lie. I knew then that I would never be happy as a man. That was the day I began to think about becoming a woman.

Though I still loved my my wife deeply, our marriage, undermined for so many years by my secret excursions, finally collapsed under the weight of them. I'll never forget the night we told our children we were separating. "Does this have anything to do with that night I saw you dressed up?" my daughter, then 12, asked me. I confessed that it did. My son, who was 14, looked at me in stunned silence. I can only imagine how difficult it must have been for him to grasp that I didn't want to be a man. Even now, though we have a pleasant relationship, he won't discuss it.
I wish I knew how to explain it to him.

By the time we got divorced, I had started taking hormones (progesterone and estrogen pills) to grow breasts. The hormones also made my voice higher, and I underwent electrolysis to remove my facial hair. After four months, my C-cup breasts were definitely noticeable. Since I was still in the military, I wore a sports bra to flatten my chest and used a stall when forced to change clothes at the base. But the strain of hiding was getting to me, so after 15 years of active service, I joined the reserves and applied for a job as a police officer with the LAPD. During my required physical I had to take off my shirt for an EKG. The technician was shocked to see my full breasts! But after an awkward moment she never said a word.
I still don't know why she never told my supervisor. After that, I wore bulletproof vests on duty, so my secret remained safe.

MY NEW BODY

I decided to go ahead with a sex change in 2001. I told my wife ex-wife and my children first. At the time my son was 19 and living with his mother, and my daughter was 17 and living with me. Maybe because she'd seen me all those years ago, she supported my choice to have a sex change. My ex-wife and son were a little more distant, but they, too, promised to be there for me.

Next I wrote a letter to my parents explaining what I'm sure they had expected: I was living as a woman everywhere, except at work. After my marriage ended, all my relationships had been with lesbian or bisexual women. I was so exhausted with my double life. I wanted to align my exterior with who I'd always been inside. The news must have roked my parents to the core, but when I telephoned them later, my mother simply said "I always knew," while my father was characteristically silent. I didn't expect either of them to understand or accept my choice. I'm just grateful that they heard me.

I know there are many who would call my lifestyle a moral abomination. But at my church, Unity Fellowship, I've been taught that we're each here for a unique purpose. God could have created me as a woman, but for some reason didn't. That's why I'm so sure I was put on Earth to take this journey. It's not as if I heard God speak through parted clouds, but in my heart I just knew a sex change was the right path for me.

My surgery lasted five hours and cost $5,000. I chose to have it done in Bangkok, Thailand, because one of the pioneers of transgender surgery operates there, and his price is half of what I thought I would pay in the United States. My friend Stephanie came with me. Together we boarded a plane and landed halfway around the world so that I could become a woman. If this isn't the journey you want me to take, I whispered to God during the 26-hour flight, then please just let me die on the operating table.

The doctor explained the procedure. They would remove my testicles, scrotum and half my penis using a laser, then invert the remaining skin to create a vaginal cavity. I signed the waiver and checked into the hospital early the next day. Five hours later, I awakened on a gurney with a row of bandages across my pelvic area and no pain. I stayed in the hospital a week, marveling at the possibilities of my new life. The afternoon I was released, Stephanie and I went shopping. I know it's hard to believe, but the only soreness I experienced was when the doctor pulled off the bandages. What I saw in the mirror amazed me, a vagina so perfect it looked like I'd been born with it.

I've since retired from the LAPD and now work as a security guard. I date women exclusively, and I alwys tell them about my surgery. Sensation has returned to the tissue used to create my vagina, and sex with my new body is exponentially more satisfying. I feel blessed because I have the most any transsexual can hope for: a family that stands by me. When people see me in my uniform now, I let them refer to me as whatever gender they believe I am. Most suspect that I used to be a man, but how they see me doesn't really matter. What matters is that at last I am a woman at home in her body.


D. Cookie Fields lives in Los Angeles. She told her story to Michelle Burford, a writer who lives in New York

Sick Of The 'Shemale' Label

TransGriot Note: In addition to being the founder and head diva of Transsistahs-Transbrothas, I'm on a few other Yahoo Internet discussion lists. We got into a discussion on Black Transsexual Love about the 'shemale' term. A few peeps made their feelings known about it. This commentary had its genesis from my original post to the list.
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I'm BEYOND sick of the 'shemale' label. To me it's a step below the n-word.

That shemale term was created by one of the transgender community's biggest enemies during the 70's and beyond, radical feminist professor Janice Raymond. It was picked up unfortunately by the adult film industry.

Janice Raymond is largely responsible for transpeople being excluded from Medicaid and Medicare and much of the insurance industry exclusions for SRS as the author of a not well publicized early 1980s paper. The paper was part of a study commissioned by the federal government on the topic of federal aid for transsexual people seeking rehabilitation and health services. It effectively eliminated federal and some states aid for indigent and imprisoned transsexuals.

The private health insurance companies then followed the federal government’s lead in disallowing services to transsexual patients for any treatment remotely related to being transsexual, including breast cancer or genital cancer, as that was deemed to be a consequence of treatment for transsexuality.

So why would ANYONE define themselves by a term created by their oppressor? Sadly, too many younger transpeople and some in my generation who should know better but who don't know the history behind the 'shemale' label do.

I'm an African-American transwoman and proud of it. I'm tired of the image of me and my sistahs being defined by my enemies, escort sites and adult films. There is a gross imbalance of negative images that need to be corrected immediately with positive ones. I'm beyond ready to forge the links with other positive transwomen, transbrothas and allies to do just that.

We are much more. Yes, we are beautiful. We come in all shapes, sizes, skin tones, hairstyles and genital configurations. We are intelligent. We eagerly embrace our African-American womanhood and are respectful of the history and sense of mission that comes with it. We are proud of our African heritage and are ready to do our part to uplift not only the transgender community but the African-American one we belong to as well.

I'm gratified to see that I'm not the only transwoman concerned about what kind of legacy we will leave behind to the transkids who are now in elementary school.

Harmonizing Her Gender

It took Tona Brown years to develop her voice - and identity

By Chris King
of the St. Louis American

Tona Brown belongs to a sensitive, mysterious, misunderstood minority group.

She is an artist - more specifically, a musician, a classically
trained vocalist and violinist. Her repertoire favors art songs by
neglected African-American composers, Negro spirituals and the European classics. She recently performed at Washington University’s (St. Louis) Ursa Cafe as part of the Tranny Roadshow.

The Tranny Roadshow? Oh, yeah. Tona Brown is also transgendered - she
was born into the wrong gender. The Tranny Roadshow is a traveling
variety group with a rotating cast of artists who began their lives
in that troubling, at times horrifying predicament, then did
something to change it.

The Roadshow, Tona said, marks her first set of performances when she
comes advertised "as gay or trans." At age 26, she has lived as a
woman for three and a half years. "I don't broadcast it to the whole
world all the time," she said of her gender transition.

She pursued the opportunity to broadcast her identity, at this point,
with an activist's sense of mission.

"I think it's imperative for others to know we can do everything,"
she said. "Trans people fulfill every occupation. I want to let
people know, you can be who you are, no matter what it is."

It is a life or death issue. Suicide is relatively common in the
transgendered population, as are self-destructive life choices, such
as drug abuse and prostitution.

"People tend to learn very young, and they are very confused," she
said.

"Their family abandons them. They have no role models. You have to be
very careful."

Tona should be an enviable model to transgendered youth. Judging by
her publicity photos, her transition has been very successful, and
her family and peers were unusually understanding.

"I was extremely fortunate. God blessed me with a talent that
transcended the normal boundaries," she said.

"Those who know me and who have been interested in watching me
develop have supported me, with no qualms about it. They kind of knew
all along there was something different about me."

She grew up and still lives with her mother, Sharon, in Hampton
Roads, Virginia, having studied music in Northern Virginia and
Rochester, New York. She started in her field while identified as a
man, and she said her transition "hasn't hindered me at all."

"I'm a dramatic soprano and a high mezzo," she said of her vocal
range. "That's really awkward, for a male. I always wore long hair, I
was always androgynous. When I did decide to transition, it wasn't
that hard for everyone."

If anything, she said, the hard part came before she made the
switch. "I struggled before," she said.

"I was very, very feminine, and men always thought I was female
anyway. When I transitioned, it was just, `Oh, you're beautiful, and
we need a violinist.'"

Appropriately for a musician, her transition began, in a sense, with
one of her instruments - her voice.

"I used to sing Mariah Carey, a very, very high soprano. Then, at 16,
my voice dropped, and I had this huge, rich soprano," she said.

"I used to be very light and birdy. People didn't know how to address
me. They'd say, `Yes, ma'am,' and I'd have to correct them."

Like so many black children raised in the South, she came up in a
very religious family, singing in the choir.

"I was an alto," she said. "It was very awkward, at the time. People
didn't realize there is no gender stamp on your voice."

Her problems adjusting to expectations persisted, initially, when she
studied voice with Patricia Woolf at the Shenandoah Conservatory of
Music. "She would have me try to sing tenor, and my voice would
always crack - upwards," Tona said.

A breakthrough came when they were working together on Mozart's opera
The Marriage of Figaro. At one point, her teacher closed the book in
frustration and said, "I honestly don't know what you could do."

Tona remembered, "I was very androgynous. I wore heels (boots, then,
not pumps). Neither she nor I could deny there was something
different, not only with myself but with my voice."

Finally, her teacher handed Tona the role of Cherubino, a lyric mezzo
part that has (both ironically and appropriately, in this case) been
a "pants" role, performed by a female dressed in male clothes.

Asked to sing a high part typically taken by a woman (in costume as a
man), she found her natural voice. "It felt so good," she said. "All
this sound came out of me." From there, it was only a question of
time, courage and dedication.

"It takes a lot of courage to get up," she said, "and use your God-
given instrument, something as fragile as a voice, to continue to
train and take ridicule and to develop your voice." Or, for that
matter, your proper gender.

Phenomenal Transwoman

TransGriot Note:In addition to my op-ed writing and novels that I'm working on, I like to write short stories and poetry. Here's a rewrite of a Maya Angelou poem called 'Phenomenal Woman'. I've always liked it and came up with transgender themed verses for it.


An MKR Poem

I am what I am,
I am what you see,
But I traveled another road to femininity
Forged by trials in a male body
My female spirit yearning to break free
Some sistahs say that this can’t be
Because I can’t create life inside of me
There’s more to being a woman you see
Than just having a baby
I’ve become a woman
Phenomenally
Phenomenal Transwoman
That’s me

Keep on playa hating me while you can
Or my existence you plot to ban
I still left the club with your man
And he didn’t care if my birth name was Dan
He saw the curve of my hips,
And the smile on my lips
And my personality makes his heart turn flips
I’m what he wants, ain’t that a trip?
I’ve become a woman
Phenomenally
Phenomenal Transwoman
That’s me

Sistah, I don’t wanna fight with you
Black womanhood to me is precious, boo
I spent night after sleepless night
Praying to God to make things right
Hoping that He would answer my prayer
To shed this cursed male body layer
Went to sleep believing that the next day
My body would be shaped in a feminine way
I’ve become a woman
Phenomenally
Phenomenal Transwoman
That’s me

Christine and Justina, they blazed the trail
That led to attainment of our Holy Grail
Hormones, electrolysis and SRS
Allow us to look our very best
Molded the outer body shell to be
Like the inside and now my spirit’s free
This ain’t no ‘Imitation of Life’
It’s freed me from anguish, turmoil and strife.
I’ve become a woman
Phenomenally
Phenomenal Transwoman
That’s me

This is a precious gift I’ve been allowed to gain
Steeped in millions of years of sweat, tears and pain
We should be higher specimens of womanhood
Using our lives to promote the greater good
Black women are the vanguard of our race
Our spirituality molds our cultural base
It’s the challenge I strive to meet every day
Because I’m deliriously happy to say
I am a woman
Phenomenally
Phenomenal Transwoman
That’s me.

Say It Loud: Black, Transgender and Proud

TransGriot Note: An article I wrote for a local publication, the African-American Journal. Got the runaround on it, so I submitted it to IFGE who just published it.


There are a lot of words you can use to describe me. Daughter,aunt, friend, woman, sister, native Texan, Houstonian, African-American, deejay, Christian, transplanted Louisvillian, transplanted Kentuckian, activist, writer, sports fan, columnist, Kentucky Colonel, American.

Another one that would be accurate to use in my case is transgender.

Since much of the media attention that transgender people have garnered since 1953 is heavily slanted toward white transgender people, many African-Americans aren't familiar with or have preconceived notions about us. So let me take a moment to drop some science on you. There are also female to male transgender people but I'm going to focus on the male to female aspect of it

Transgender people are persons whose gender identity, that deeply held internal sense of being male or female, doesn't correspond with the body they were born with. One thing I want to stress is that gender identity and sexual orientation are two entirely separate and distinct issues. Being transgender doesn't necessarily mean that you are also gay. Current medical research has determined that one in every 250 births is a transgender person or about 3% of the population. Of the 34,772,381 people in the United States that are or identify as African-American, that translates to about 1 million of them being transgendered. Ongoing worldwide medical research into why it happens has been leaning to a biological cause for it

To become the Phenomenal Transwoman you see today, I had to adhere to the Standards of Care protocol devised by the Harry Benjamin International Gender Dysphoria Association, or HBIGDA. It's the medical association that devoted to research, understanding and treatment of gender identity disorders. I did counseling in the Houston area with a therapist trained in gender identity issues,endured several years of electrolysis to remove facial hair, changed identity documents and started hormone replacement by taking estrogen and several testosterone blockers. I was also required to live in the new gender role for a year before I would be allowed to have the gender reassignment surgery.

So as you can see, the journey to make my body match its gender role is not an easy one or a joke. I've been transitioned for 11 years and I still to this day deal with issues that crop up from time to time. Unfortunately a lot of the issues that affect me come from my own community. I love my people, our history and culture but we can sometimes be more narrow-minded, contrary and intolerant than many right wing fundamentalists. It's bad enough when African-American transpeople are disrespected by society at large. But it really hurts when the drama comes from people that share your cultural heritage. But as Zora Neale Hurston once wrote, `All my skinfolk ain't my kinfolk.'

So what is it like to be transgendered? The best way I can describe it is if you grew up female, imagine that you had all the same feelings, hopes, desires and dreams you always had growing up but you had your brother's (or some other male relative) body. Then try navigating puberty in that body knowing that something's different about you, but you can't quite put your finger on it. While you're trying to sort that dilemma out, you're being ostracized, picked on,and bullied. Then it finally gets revealed to you that you're on the wrong side of the gender fence and start making the moves to correct that situation.

I'm blessed that I came through the journey as a well-rounded spiritual person proud of who I am, what I have accomplished, what I'm going to accomplish and the person that I have evolved to become. I'm extremely happy and content with my life. I may be six-two without my heels, but that does not give you carte blanche to refer to me as `he'. I look at and think about life, love and the world around me through a feminine prism. Unfortunately thanks to anti-transgender violence many of my sisters don't get that chance and fall by the wayside.Others are emotionally wounded by the anti-transgender vitriol that comes from people in our community, their families and increasingly the pulpits of our churches

There are a lot of talented African-American transgender people like myself who are poised and ready to contribute our education and talents to uplift our race. Many of them reside in the Louisville metro area. The question I put forth to my fellow African-Americans is will you allow us the opportunity to do so?