Paparazzi wrangling required!
I stumbled across an interesting casting notice in Back Stage.
Paris Hilton, our darling media muffin, is seeking a confidante for her new reality show, My New BFF.
I suppose the first task would be to figure out what BFF stands for. I hang my head in shame and admit. I cheated.
I cruised over to her web site and was able to determine the initials stand for, "New Best Friend".
Ho hum!
Some of the scintillating ideas I conjured up in my own twisted mind were a lot more intriguing, I assure you!
But, moving on...
When it comes to potential candidates, Paris is fairly open across the board. For instance, the casting office notes that applicants may be male or female and any age or ethnicity.
I suppose if she hires a studly guy he could double as a bodyguard. Or, in the alternative, don a Chauffeur's cap when Missy gets a bit tipsy so the hostess-with-the-mostest may avoid another DUI.
But, be wary (dear Paris) of warming up to a pretty young gal. If you're not careful she'll be strutting around in your designer duds when you're at Mom's and trying to slip into the sack with your boyfriend when the two of you are on the outs.
Go for a homely woman with sensible shoes!
Apparently, Ms. Hilton's handlers have noted that endurance is essential.
If all that late-night carousing and jockeying for face time amid the swarms of blood-thirsty paparazzi staking out territory in front of the "Villa" and "Koi" invigorates 'ya, this is your cup of tea.
Of course, loyalty is important, too.
In that case, Paris, let's have a heart to heart. Time to dump that photographer who shot the publicity still posted above. Is it my imagination, or did the shutterbug cut off the top of your pretty noggin'? Or, are you just missing a vital part of your brain?
An ability to navigate "girl politics" is a prerequisite, as well.
Girl politics?
In that event, the hapless hopeful should take a cue from stumper Hillary Clinton. After all, the Dem Dame has been a sterling example of "humanization for maximum effect" in recent weeks.
Yes, it's important to be tear-eyed on occasion and reveal a vulnerable side. It drums up sympathy, after all. But, when called for, the right candidate should know how to stick to her guns and take a tough-as-nails stance to establish that no woman is a push-over, either.
In the event of a hissy-fit or two the confidante should be able to calm the waters by noting with soothing sensitivity,
"It's that time of the month, you know?"
Heck - didn't you know? - even guys have a day or two each month when they get - um - testy. Surely, Ms. Hilton is entitled to a bluesy off-note moment or two now 'n then!
So, good luck with the interviews, Ms. Hilton.
And, if any of the candidates don't work out, they can always shrug and say,
"Well, at least we had Paris."
Delectable culinary treats at Koi...
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