The other morning as I was exiting Starbucks, a woman strode up to the front door of the popular cafe pushing a stroller with a baby inside.
Then, for some inexplicable reason, she turned the buggie on its wheels and scurried off the other way. As I alighted from the cafe, I noticed her cowering in the corner near a table. Other patrons were staring at her oddly, too.
When I asked her if she'd like some assistance opening the door, she mumbled something incoherently.
Perplexed, I went on my way; but my heart went out to that child.
If the woman was on drugs or alcohol, the effect on a young tot could be devastating.
Many parents are unaware of the fact that in the formative years - one to five, in particular - their baby is most impressionable.
During that time span, most of their personality traits are formed, arising out of daily events - negative and positive - that parents unwittingly thrust them in to.
In some instances, a lack of proper care and nurturing may not only scar the young one, but result in a personality disorder that he or she may carry around with them for life.
I have been fascinated by the subject every since I took a course in psychology focusing on - "Personality Profiles" - a few years ago at St. Mary's College in Brentwood, California.
A number of prominent psychologists contributed to the fascinating course material in the compulsory text.
Eric Erickson - for instance - believed that personality develops in a series of stages and his intriguing theories zeroed in on the impact of social experience across the individual's entire lifespan.
One of the main elements of Erikson’s psychosocial stage theory is the development of ego identity, an interest shared by fellow colleague, Sigmund Freud.
Freud (who shared my birthday!) theorized that there are three basic aspects to that identity: the Id, the Ego, and the Superego.
Ego identity is the conscious sense of self that we develop through social interaction. According to Erikson, our ego identity is constantly changing due to daily experiences and information acquired in our constant interactions with others.
Obviously, the quality of the relationship between mother and child in those early years is of paramount importance.
In addition to ego identity, the prominent scholar also believed that a sense of competence also motivated behaviors and actions.
In Erickson's view, there are a handful of stages that are intertwined with the task of becoming competent in a specific area of life. If the stage is handled well, for example, the person will feel a sense of mastery in their sphere. If the stage is managed poorly, the individual may emerge with a deep-rooted sense of inadequacy.
In each stage, Erikson believed people experience a conflict that serves as a turning point in their development. And, these conflicts are centered on either developing a psychological quality or failing to develop that quality.
During these times, the potential for personal growth is high, but so is the potential for failure.
Trust vs. Mistrust (Stage 1)
The first stage of Erikson’s theory of psychosocial development occurs between birth and one year of age and is the most fundamentally important stage. Because an infant is utterly dependent, the development of trust is based on the dependability and quality of the child’s parents.
If a child successfully develops trust, they will feel safe and secure in the world. Providers who are - inconsistent, emotionally unavailable, or rejecting - contribute to feelings of mistrust in the children they watch over. Failure to develop trust will result in fear and a belief that the world is inconsistent and unpredictable.
Autonomy vs. Shame and Doubt (stage 2)
The second stage of Erikson's theory of psychosocial development takes place during early childhood and is focused on children developing a greater sense of personal control and freedom in their environment.
Like Freud, Erikson believed that toilet training was a vital part of this process. However, Erikson's reasoning was quite different then that of Freud's. Erikson believe that learning to control one’s body functions leads to a feeling of control and a sense of independence.
In contrast, other psychologists mentioned in the course, felt that potty-training a child too early may result in the development of an anal retentive personality!
Other important events include selective control at meal times, preferences for playthings, and clothing selection.
Children who successfully complete stage two (moi) feel secure and confident, while those who do not are left with a sense of inadequacy and self-doubt.
Add a negligent parent, without parenting skills into the mix, and the end result is obvious: a troubled untrusting child unable to develop properly through the natural stages in the early years.
Something to chew on, parents.
Clarence Darrow once said,
The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents, and the second half by our children.