The unstoppable flawless Cher will explode onto the Las Vegas stage on the evening of May 6th - my birthday!
Well, actually I share the "B" day with George Clooney.
Guess it's pretty obvious that any male born on this auspicious day is handsome, irresistible, charismatic, charming and - um - I guess you get the idea!
Undoubtedly, there will be a number of dazzling costume changes for the Pop chanteuse - and a dizzying array of fabulous hairpieces to match up with 'em - sure to make any drag Queen envious!
In fact, I understand that while Cher is performing during her stint in Sin City, a well-known female impersonator will be taking the stage elsewhere in town, with her best impressions of the mega star sure to tantalize.
Gosh - who knows - maybe a handful of the out-of-towners will jot down the wrong reservation number and end up in a swirl of falsies, hair extensions, and tucked-away d**k. Sounds like a scene out of LA CAUX AUX FOLLES, doesn't it?
I remember the early days when Cher and Sonny starred on their CBS Variety show.
At the top of the show, Cher usually sashayed out; then, a gasp would erupt from the rapt audience - followed by uproarious applause - at the sight of Mrs."B" in the latest outrageous Bob Mackie designer gown.
At this juncture, Cher would maneuver a little turn and joyously scream,
"Let's hear it for the dress!"
In fact, in those heady days when censorship was a tad tighter on the airwaves, each week there was a big brouhaha over racy outfits that often caused a multitude of migraines for the CBS execs. Indeed, on occasion, a dress appeared to be nothing more than a skimpy band-aid pasted on here and there about her tanned slender body.
Throughout the opening number, Cher was inclined to flip her long silky strands to one side, as she ceremoniously licked her lips. Yes, the perceptible personality quirks stuck, and were great fodder for impersonators to take a poke at ever after.
Once the top brass at CBS got a gander at "The Sonny and Cher Comedy Hour" on its debut in August of 1971 as a five-week summer replacement series, their collective gut instinct was that this was the hot ticket the network was searching for.So, when 'Sonny and Cher' skyrocketed to dizzying heights within weeks on the old boob tube, a pact was signed to return in December to replace a mainstay - 'The Chicago Teddy Bears' - on Friday nights at 8:00 p.m.
By the fall of 1973, the slot became a consistent top-ten winner - probably due to the fact it was a high-caliber show which featured talented popular regulars such as - Terri Garr, Freeman King, Peter Cullen, Billy Van, The Unknown Comic, Ted Zeigler, and Chastity Bono (the couple's tot).
By 1973, however, the tabloids were rife with stories of wild scream fests, missed gigs (including a last minute one in Vegas, subbed by Johnny Carson) and reports of Cher sporting a black eye. When the show finished eighth in the 73-74 season, Sonny Bono filed for divorce - and on the heels of the decree - the final episode of the 'Sonny and Cher' was taped.
In the aftermath, CBS signed Cher to star in her own variety series. Not to be outdone by his ex, Sonny proceeded to sign a deal with ABC for his own shot on the airwaves backed by the same producers, writing staff, and regular players from the previous bill-of-fare.
In a jab at Cher, Sonny joked,
"We'll have all the same players," then added, "We'll be missing one, actually".
Sonny’s shot at the big-time was a dismal failure, mostly due to the fact Cher - the cog that kept the wheels spinning - was out of the picture and unable to bolster his morale and the ratings. In sum, the writing was uneven and the guest stars were run-of-the-mill. In short order, Sonny's solo stretch limped into the sunset.
In contrast, the Cher show debuted on Sunday February 16, 1975 with popular guest-stars Elton John, Bette Midler and Flip Wilson.
"I'm scared to death,” Cher said at the time about her own humble offering.
"I'm so afraid of that first walk-out. Here I am alone, naked to the world (huh?). What do you think world? Do you forgive me?"
The series was produced by a long-time writer for "Laugh-In" - George Schlatter - and always started with Cher draped in a dark cape crooning inaudibly at a lone piano in a lackluster start-up. Then, without warning, Cher suddenly threw off the veil - and as the music thumped up tempo - the little whirlwind proceeded to strut to the front of the stage revealing her latest navel-exposing Mackie gem.
The first-nighter was thrilling, but the show quickly slumped in the weeks that followed as the shtick failed to stick. At this juncture, Cher opted to go back to "square one” and team up with Sonny for a follow-up show.
But new problems surfaced in her life.
A quickie marriage to Greg Allman turned into a nightmarish fiasco. What was the lady to do, with a bundle of joy on the way?
In view of the unusual events unfolding, the CBS censors were inclined to look closer at the new spot which was now slotted into the "family hour". With that foremost in their mind, the network complained to the star that her clothes and image were not appropriate for a recent divorcee.
"Suddenly I should start coming off like Julie Andrews?" Cher asked incredulously.
Over the next few weeks, the show's ratings fell steadily, as did the quality of the writing.
'Sonny and Cher' hovered near the bottom of the ratings for most of the second year before limping off the air without so much as a bang. In fact, Sonny and Cher were now a total write-off to the Network, and canceled for good after hosting four different variety series between them in just six years.
Amen!
But, Cher hung in there!
One night I was at the Backlot in West Hollywood a number of years ago when she arrived with Elton John in tow. The idea is laughable now, but back then, the gossip-mongers wagged their tongues about a potential sizzlin' hot affair between the dynamic pop twosome. Well, maybe the clothes-horses talked about frocks and wigs into the wee hours of dawn. Not much else was goin' down, I betcha.
Like the energizer Rabbit, Cher has gone on and on and on...with so many "final curtains under her belt", I can't count!
The Las Vegas extravaganza should be a hoot, though.
Curiously, in recent days, it was revealed that Cher had a novelty "john" installed in her high-end dressing room in Vegas for the upcoming gig. Imagine that, a potty that actually opens its lid automatically and blows up a waft of fresh air into the nether - um - regions. I've heard of bl**-jobs, but this is taking it to the max, don't 'ya think?
I trust Cher will avoid wailing - "Gypsies, Tramps, and Thieves" - this time around; and, any outfit inclined to conjure up the theme. A little tired now, don't you think, Cher?
And, stay clear of oddities like "Half Breed", too. The political climate has changed since your hey-day, Ms. C. Be politically correct, please!
The humor can stay, though. And, the muscled back-up go-go boys are a must!
Did you know that Cher used to practice signing her signature for hours on end when she was a pimply-faced teenager, 'cause she knew she would be famous one day?
Amazing confidence, when you consider her humble beginnings.
Born in El Centro in California in 1946, Cher was a sad fatherless child. And, Mom was an eight-times-married failed show-biz performer who struggled by on occasional singing gigs and brief movie roles. According to biographers, Cher delightfully watched her mother’s nervy career pursuits from the sidelines and pined to be in the spotlight, as well.
For personal reasons, the starry-eyed youth ended up dropping out to take acting lessons in Tinsel town. She stumbled along her new path until she met an intriguing man - Sonny - who would change her life at the age of seventeen.
The moment was a turning point for the shy teen.
Cher met her future husband at Aldo's Coffee Shop, the place where celebrities used to hang out. Since Cher was basically a nobody with fantasies about pop stardom - Sonny, a bit of a celebrity at the time - swept her off her feet.
In fact, shortly after their first encounter, Cher became attached to the homely - but engaging character - and moved in with him. In those early days, they both swore up-and-down that their relationship was platonic. In spite of the fact they shared an apartment, Cher alleged they slept in separate beds. (!)
Cher's mother tried to separate them, but to no avail. Curiously, one day out-of-the-blue, they did an about-face and professed their love for each other!
In spite of their long drawn-out break-up years later, Cher noted in one biography - "The First Time" - that Bono was the ultimate love of her life and that the two remained amicable despite their personal differences and subsequent hardships.
Cher confessed in one intimate moment,
"What you saw on TV with Sonny and Cher was a good representation of our personal life, always laughing and having fun".
Perhaps the solid footing between the two is the reason why Sonny and Cher hit gold with their single - "I've got you Babe" - when it first hit the charts. For some inexplicable reason, the song - and the curious couple - resonated in the hearts of teenagers - and parents alike - around the Nation in those innocent days.
"The Beat goes on" and "Baby Don't Go" followed, boosting their image in the industry somewhat, too.
Sonny's off-beat attire and Cher's far-out fashion schematics - featuring colorful hip-hugging pants, skimpy tops, shaggy hair and fur vests - appealed greatly to the hipsters and fans who wanted to emulate them.
Life turned in a different direction after their daughter Chastity was born in 1969, though. The intense spotlight caused problems; consequently, the home life of the winsome threesome became hectic and unstable. On stage Cher was calm, but she noted to the press that - "backstage was turbulent" - and that she felt trapped.
Cher stated in her biography,
"The only way I could continue life happily was to split with Sonny and bring our show to a premature end." She continued, "This devastated our fans, as well as CBS executives, but it had to be done, I was simply, unhappy with my life."
In the end, stardom pulled Cher's marriage down; but, the media attention on Cher propelled her into the super stratosphere as she dated new beaus. Usually, quite young!
The brief marriage to Allman ended up in divorce due to the musician's addictions to booze and heroin.
When that sad scenario ended, it appeared that at 33 - the unemployed single mother was all washed-up - career-wise.
But then, as if by a miracle, Cher was cast in a movie called 'Silkwood', opposite film great, Meryl Streep.Cher recalls poignantly,
"I will never forget the time Silkwood premiered in New York. As soon as my name was mentioned, the audience laughed. I felt so bad, but you know, you can't argue with these things, it's just a natural, organic response from the audience."
However, Cher had the last laugh when she was nominated for an Oscar!
In fact, by 1987, Cher was in such demand that she found herself in three important feature films at once, "The Witches of Eastwick", "Suspect" and "Moonstruck".
At 41, after twenty-five years in show biz, Cher was on top again.
To her surprise, she sauntered back into the music arena in a stupendous way with a surprise hit - "If I could turn back time" - in which she flaunted her sexy appeal - in an enticing risqué outfit as she wantonly pranced around on a ship full of young soldiers. The result? She garnered a big buzz in headlines around the globe, once again.
In the nineties, Cher re-invented her music persona, in fact.
But, as she was riding the crest of a wave of success, tragic news struck.Sonny was killed in a skiing accident.
"I was in London in January 1998 when I heard the dreaded news. Chastity rang me and brought the news of Sonny's death. I dropped everything and fled to Heathrow Airport and the media watched my every move. Even though we had been apart for over 24 years I couldn't ignore the fact that I spent a quarter of my life with this guy."
Full of remorse during her reconciliatory eulogy at his funeral, Cher praised the man who had been father, partner, friend, and foe - displaying a side of herself the world had never seen. Though hurt by endless criticism that her appearance at the funeral was an attention-seeking devise (they didn’t look like crocodile tears to me) Cher continued to mourn openly and pay tribute to Bono in a sentimental CBS documentary.
By March 1999 - looking as glamorous as ever - Cher was ruling the Top 40 charts and holding the number one spot four consecutive weeks with her new title song, "Believe".
How to define Cher?
Well - she's a survivor - first and foremost. Then, a pop singer, TV Star, Academy Award-Winning Actress, Disco Diva, home decorator, and fashion icon.
Although Cher's been written off countless times in the past, she just springs back and conquers anew each year, each decade.
For an original ugly duckling, you've come a long way, Babe!
Now, on to Vegas, for more glorious moments in the sun.
See 'ya there!